Ivy Tied Up |

Do I have some kind of sign on me that says TORTURE ME? I know some of you are thinking,”What on earth are you complaining about? You would love that! ” This isnt the same thing. This isnt my kind of torture..

My kind of torture doesnt involve staying up ALL night EVERY night with a 2 year old who refuses to sleep. And while she is up decides that it IS okay to destroy everything in site. And decides that she Doesnt have to mind. And what can you do? Clean up after her over and over and over again. Because when you tell her to pick it back up (the box of cereal she just threw all over the floor) she sits down in the middle of the floor and proceeds to scream at the top of her lungs. And if she wakes her daddy up then its my butt on the line. Ahh And the government says you cant beat them..

Now for all you that i’ve now officially pissed off.. I didnt say I did beat her. Nor did I say I spanked her, slapped her, hit her, or anything else of that nature. I made one statement. That was it. Maybe a bit ill humored. But I never said I had a good sense of humor..

I’ve watched care bears so much that not only does my 2 year old know every word but I do as well and I’m all care beared out.. I’m ready to shred the tape into a thousand pieces and would if it wouldnt end in the biggest tantrum of the century.

So all you parents out there thinking how horrible I am.. tell me.. How would you handle the pouring out of an entire box of cereal and then the screaming fit that comes after you tell her she cant have it? BUT you have to keep in mind as well! That your home is not very big.. Everything you say or do is easily heard by those who are sleeping. That you have 2 other children a 5 year old and a 4 year old who NEED their sleep or they will wake up screaming. AND a husband who works ODD shifts.. and needs his sleep when he can get it. Getting woke up an hour and half AFTER you just fell asleep might not be your cup of tea. It dang sure isnt for dear hubby.. If he is woken up. The WHOLE house will be woken up.. Thats not a good place to be..

So this is my current torture state that I am in. If this kid doesnt get her days and nights back on track soon. I’m going to run away!!!!!!!!!!!

Grr.. I wish everyone would get off my freaking case. I know its bad for me. I know it causes cancer.
I know, I know, I know, I know I get it already!
Get off my ass already!
I love how those who keep telling me this feel the need to save my life. I dont smoke around others that do not smoke. I dont smoke in my house, around my children. I ONLY Smoke outside. And thats IF where i’m at allows it. I’m not rude enough to force other people to inhale my second hand smoke. If they wanted to breathe it in they would smoke. Right? SO Since i’m not bothering anyone else with my smoke why must they continue to ride me about it? Oh they care.. Dont they? These same people pour themselves glass after glass of coke and whiskey, beer after beer, or shot after shot of vodka, then get into a car and drive. These same people take pain pill after pain pill not because they need them but because they are addicted. They pop nerve pills b/c they want the high, they eat fatty foods. Grease filled pork, french fries, tons of butter and grease.. Lets see.. They want their arteries clogged all to hell and back. They will suffer from a heart attack. But want to bitch at me for smoking. I understand its dangerous and I could get cancer. But the risks are there for everything they are doing as well. I’m to that breaking point of where you just say,”Fuck off! Its my life!”

Not to mention I AM an adult! 100% aware of the consequences of my actions!

I continue to feel left out of the “group”. Shit happens. I assume its my fault as I’ve lacked time and the ability to communicate normally. But even so. It hurts.
A little anyway. I’m ready to move on from this rotten place im at right now.

I dont mean physically move, I mean mentally move on from this hell i’ve created.

Tis done nothing but rain non stop. We were under a tornado watch earlier. Kids have been grounded ALL DAY long for hte last 3 days due to rooms not being cleaned. I dont see them getting them clean any time soon. However their daddy has decided that he will step in and do something about it tom so we shall see..

Today was my nieces bday. however I didnt realize it until I went to wal mart tonight and asked the cashier for the date.. OUCH! I cant believe I forgot! I never forget bdays and I feel horrible about it

It’s been one thing after another.. Wed night the baby stayed up all night long screaming. I was ready to take her to the emergancy room. I knew she wasnt feeling well b ut the screaming was all i could take. I was up the entire night. Well Thursday morning I took her to the dr the second they opened. She has Strep Throat. Lil man as well. So 2 sick with strep throat. Oh what a week its been.

Wed.. Tay’s graduation was ruined. We got to the ceremony and sat down. the kids got through the pledge and a cute lil prayer and then the rain hit. It hasnt rained in what 3 months? And it choses to rain the day of kindergarten graduation? Not to mention it hadnt looked like rain all day. It was beautiful. up until the storm hit.. It stormed really bad. It was so bad cars were pulling over on the highway and stopping completely. We had told Tay we would take her out to dinner for her graduation. After about an hour the rain cleared and we saw 2 rainbows. That was really special for her. She loved it. and was so excited..

Now Thursday was her last day of school.. No more getting up at 5 or 6 am to get her ready for school… WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer is here!.. Now how to keep the kids from fighting?

Today was the first official day of summer for them. And they are already at each others throats! Someone give me strength!

The Texas Attorney General has released a report indicating since 1999, Medicaid has paid for nearly 200 registered sex offenders in Texas to receive Viagra or similar drugs.
KFDM News analyzed the report and discovered in Jasper County, one registered sex offender received such drugs at a cost of thousands of dollars.

AUSTIN (AP) _ Two Texas sex offenders who received Viagra or other erectile-dysfunction drugs through Medicaid committed new sex crimes and five more are wanted on various parole violations, state Attorney General Greg Abbott said Friday.

Abbott’s weeklong investigation has found 191 registered sex offenders from 60 counties obtained sex-enhancing drugs through Medicaid since 1999. Medicaid is the state and federally funded health care program for the poor.

Of the sex offenders who received prescriptions, at least 128 were convicted for sex crimes against children. Ages for seven of the victims were not known, Abbott said.

Since the first reports earlier this week of sex offenders getting prescriptions for sex-enhancing drugs in Texas and several other states, Texas lawmakers and state officials have taken steps to stop the practice.

The two offenders who were rearrested were from Bexar County. One was arrested for aggravated sexual assault two months after getting his prescription filled. Abbott said he did not know if the drugs had a direct role in the new crimes.

The recidivism rate among the pool of 191 is less than 2 percent. Allison Taylor of the Texas Council on Sex Offender Treatment said the average recidivism rate for sex offenders overall is 12 to 15 percent.

The total cost to taxpayers for the prescriptions was $134,732.70.

Posted this b/c in the next few days it will disappear off of the website..

I am just sick over this. As a victim in the past. I cant imagine giving these people drugs that will help them commit another crime! COME ON PEOPLE WAKE THE FUCK UP!

So much has happened today i’m literally at my wits end. I cant find which way is up. I wish I had someone to talk to about it. Some things just cant be posted not even in a blog. But I will say KIDS! Damn it! Sometimes I think that I have NO CLUE what im doing here.

Onto the next big thing. Well dear hubby put in his application to go over seas for work. It makes me sick. How could he do something like this when I’m so very against it? What does it say for my marriage? I guess deep down I know what it says about my marriage. I guess I knew all along he doesnt care about my opinion or this family. I just dont know..

My infatuation stopped by today. Of course I knew he would. Thing is.. Today was different. At first I wanted to see him. Bad. Today was different. Things werent the same. What right do I have even wondering about it. Sitting here writing this down its absurd. I have no right at all.No right to feel what I feel. No right to think what I think and no right to dwell on this like I am. What im asking myself more than anything is whats so wrong in my marriage that I need this lesser dose of reality? Whats scary. Is that I already know the answer. And there is no way to fix it. WHY ME?????????????????????????????????????????

I almost want hubby to go to iraq. Get him out of my hair. He is hoping to get a contract for a year. I finally told him to go. But that I couldnt promise that the kids and I would be here when he got back. I dont want to live and face the demons of our marriage alone. If he goes. I cant pretend everything is fine.

WTF? My dear, crazy, idiotic husband wants to go to work in Iraq. He has a friend who will be going soon to work for a contractor over there and he wants dh to go.. UM YEAH OKAY! He has 3 kids here! I can totally see that working out..

But on the other hand.. It would mean several months of no fighting.. And it might be peaceful..

Here is a cast of the characters in my life. You may see them referred to as other names through out my “play”, but it should never be too hard to figure out.

Dh: Dear hubby. However at any time may also mean Dick Head. You may also see him referred to as Jack Ass, Ass wipe, and another long list. But most of the time it will be Dh.

Toot, Diva, Princess, Drama Queen, Monk: My Oldest daughter. She is now 8. She is very much all the things listed. Except for “Monk” her pawpaw gave her that name.

Bug, C Man, Lil Man: My oldest son. He is 6 1/2 now. He is all things that little boys are.. He loves cars and trucks and making things fall apart. His new hobby is making sure that his sisters are miserable and that he can still make them cry. .

Lil’ Bit, Sugar or Sugar Mama, Punkin: My youngest daughter. She is such a jewel. 100% Rotten. dh nicknamed her Sugar Mama. She will turn 5 in September and I can’t believe how big she has gotten. She is still my baby though!

Wyatt.. He doesnt have a nickname really.. Just wyatt.. .. He is the baby.. Turns 1 on September 1st!

Monster In Laws, FIL, MIL: Ah the idiots who live next door and are dead set on making my life completely miserable. They go out of their way to make sure i’m well taken care of in that area. This is my husbands dad and his step mom. They go out of their way to see that there is alwasy drama going on. FYI they may also be referred to as the fuck heads next door.

That sums it up for now..

I’m only doing this list because frankly I don’t think I can fill it up…

UPDATED: 1/14/2008

1. Married, That may one day Change..
2.Have 4 kids. Ages 17months, 5, 7, & 8
3. Kids drive me crazy, but I love them anyway.
4. I have few friends who mean the world to me.
5. I have brownreddish hair and brown eyes. (I had brown hair at one time.. I dye it often)
6. I have an obsession with changing my hair color
7. I tend not to care what people think of me.
8. I post at Amazingly Woman
9. I happen to think the ladies there are great!
10. My husband thinks I’m crazy
11. Truth is.. he is the one making me that way
12. I like cold pizza for breakfast
13. My favorite movie is Gone With The Wind
14. Second favorite is Fast & Furious
15. The only actor I’ve ever had a crush on is Paul Walker.I just simply think he is HOT!
16. Favorite actress is Angelina Jolie. Yes I just think she is hot too..
17. I never sleep. I can go a week with out it. I HAVE gone a week with out it.
18. My favorite food is Mexican however I love Italian as well.
19. I hate spiders. I think all of them should die
20. My best friends are crazy. They probably think I am too
21. My best feature is my lips. My hair runs almost a tie with my lips
22. I have a younger sister. She rides my nerves
23. I have 2 nephews and a niece from that sister
24. My husbands family gives psycho a new meaning. They also are in the dictionary listed under hypocrite
25. My little brother died 8 years ago. He was 3. He drowned in a pool. No I don’t want to talk about it.
26. I have 5 fish..I HAD 5 fish.. My 3 year old thought it would be fun to feed them an ENTIRE bottle of fish food..
27. I’ve seen the lion king about 99,998,001 times. It’s my sons favorite movie
28. I like alternative music. I also listen to rock & Heavy metal. I rarely listen to country. I like rap when it fits my mood
29. I like to drink Smirnoff and rum. Not mixed. Rum is my favorite. I’ll enjoy a bottle every new years eve. I think beer is gross
30. I hate the smell of beer. My husband drinks beer occasionally
31. I smoke. Marlboro 100’s are my stick of choice I stopped smoking on Jan 1st (before i found out i was pregnant!)
32. I wear glasses when I remember. I cant drive at night with out them.
33. I type 96 wpm on a good day
34. I hate onions. I also hate Mushrooms
35. I cant eat squash. Or crawfish
36. My mother and I get along when I do not live with her. My sister and I only get along if she isn’t with my mother
37. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl
38. I don’t wear dresses or skirts. I prefer my jeans and t-shirt.
39. I think mornings are evil
40. I have never been to disney world
41. I own 2 pairs of shoes. Tennis shoes and a pair of hiking boots
42. If I don’t get my hair cut when I want it cut. I will cut it myself. This always ends in a massive trip to the beauty salon.
43. I have a purse fetish. Its the only thing I will spend extra money on
44. I don’t watch TV, However I like to watch CSI and Law & order SVU on occassion.
45. I suffer migraines alot
46. I haven’t had my picture taken in years
47. I drive a Mazda 5..It holds 6..
48. I wish I had gone to college after Highschool. It is my only regret
49. I really do not care for the color pink. I prefer Black and blue
50. I don’t like Cake and ice cream together
51. I stay tired. Yet like number 16 says. I never sleep
52. I cant go with out my internet connection. I would go insane
53. I desperately need a break! Dr has labeled me Bipolar. I take meds for my nerves about once a year
54. I got married and had my oldest at 19
55. My house is too small
56. I crave tacos once a month
57. I’m allergic to aspirin. Which in turn really sucks for me
58. I’m allergic to latex
59. I have asthma
60. I hate the heat. I live in the hottest place possible. That would be TEXAS
61. I don’t like fish!. Kinda goes with the crawfish crap. ICK.. I just dont like seafood so there ya go.
62.I don’t believe in god, satan, heaven, or hell. And have lost friends or people stop talking to me once they find that out.
63. My entire family thinks they need to “save” me. Which does nothing for their cause except tick me off.
64. I do let my kids have the freedom to believe what they want to and try not to sway them one way or another as my kids do believe in God, heaven and hell.
65. I celebrate holidays just like everyone else only for me its a time of being together with my family and friends and enjoying their company.
66. I’m a romance novel junkie and enjoy erotic literature and art as much as the next person who swears they would never read it or look at it or anything to that nature. I call them liars and prudes. No offense ;).
67. I could sit infront of the nintendo or computer for hours on end.
68. I don’t really care for junk food. Give me a steak and potatoes any day. Sorry I tried to no meat no eggs thing. It didnt sit well with me
69. I’m sometimes too honest to my friends and hurt them in the process.
70. The worst smells in the world to me are peach and cucumber melon. They are gross. Please do not send me lotion in either of those scents. They will be given away.
71. I hide my blog from family. Why? because they are normally in it and that wouldn’t thrill them as they aren’t too big on the internet.
72. I can like you one minute and hate you the next. Its a gift..
73. I no longer take meds for that.. LOL you might want to run now.
74. I’ve been in a physical altercation with my FIL who did the physical part not me. And my MIL stood by and watched and then told everyone it was just a heated misunderstanding. there was no heated misunderstanding. The man went crazy after the hurricane.
75. If another hurricane ever comes near my home and does damage I’ll move and never come back. I sat awake through Hurricane Rita and I never wish to do so again.
76. I actually find it rather difficult to come up with 101 things about me that doesn’t make people want to run immediately and hide.
77. I broke my left arm when I was 5 or 6.
78. I had a 4 wheeler wreck that really messed me up the day after my 17th bday.
79. My birthday is Jan 31st. I can’t believe its coming around already..Again…
80. I hate cleaning house. I’m a horrible housekeeper and think everyone should have maids. I don’t mind doing dishes but everything else.. UGH!
81. I’m not good with large crowds. I try my best but I end up bailing out.
82. I tend to be a bit paranoid but with everything that has happened in my life. You can’t blame me.
83. I was sexually abused by an uncle. I don’t remember when it started (I was too little) but it stopped when I was 15. I remember the day.
84. Running from him is how I broke my arm when I was 5 or 6. I’ll never forget it.
85. The rest of my family seems to have already forgotten.
86. I wasn’t the only one he abused. I know of 2 others. One came forward and was called a liar. she wasn’t lying. Just no one wanted to believe us. So nothing was ever done.
87. I still have nightmares about it. My husband says that he has woken up due to me choking him.
88.Who knows maybe one day i’ll move on and forget.
89. I think if anyone ever laid a hand on my kids i’d probably have to kill them.
90. Thats the one thing i’d gladly serve prison time over.
91. My kids=My life
92. Everything else can be replaced.
93. I tend to remember people and things that they’ve said or done that has hurt me. I may forgive but I never forget.
94. I survey my surroundings at all times.
95. Told ya i’m a bit paranoid.
96. Making lists sucks really bad.
97. I see traits of my mother in me.
98. It scares me..
99. I get scared but I wont tell anyone
100. I sometimes can’t believe i’m actually adult and have kids who i’m responsible for. I still feel like a child inside who needs parents approval to do things.. Why is that?
101. I often feel like everything is in total chaos and panic because nothing is as it should be