Ivy Tied Up |

I ganked this from Crazy as Me who ganked it from Peanutt who ganked it from Jlybns Daily Adventures who ganked it from Peace of My Mind (Leesa). Just copy and paste like I did!

Have you ever?
Snuck out of the house…….. my parents house no. Friends house yes.. We snuck out m yfriends window one night and rolled my car down her drive way and snuck back in the window at about 4 am. We told them everything we had done the n ight before. Was completely honest and they didnt believe us. (They being the parental units)

Gotten lost in your city………Yes..I’ve lived here almost 8 years and still do not know where everything is

Seen a shooting star………. Not that i’m aware of

Been to any other countries besides Canada…. No. I haven’t even been to Canada!

Had a serious surgery…….. Yes. I’ve had 3 c sections and had my arm operated on when I was 5.

Gone out in public in your pajamas……. All the time

Kissed a stranger………..Yes, but lets keep that between you and me.. Mom always said not to talk to strangers. But kissing isnt talking now is it.

Hugged a stranger……… Yes

Been in a fist fight…….. Yes. You can mess with me but not my little sister

Been arrested………. yeah kinda. (Long long story)

Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose…… No

Pushed all the buttons on an elevator……..Yes and then the alarm went off. Drunk in an elevator is not fun to me.

Swore at your parents………Yes. My dad even agrees that what i said needed to be said and that He needed to hear it.

Been in love…….in love? I dont know.

Been close to love…….hmm..

Been to a casino……… no.

Been skydiving………. No.

Skinny dipped………..yes lots

Skipped school……….Yes. I missed so much school my senior year I opted to graduate early instead of spending an entire semester making up missed hours.

Seen a therapist…….. yes. Its all the rage.

Been to a marriage counselor……. No

Done the splits……….. yes…

Played spin the bottle………..No

Gotten stitches………. Yes Had staples too.

Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour………. No

Bitten someone………… Yes but they liked it.

Been to Niagara Falls……..No

Gotten the chicken pox……. Yes and our air conditioner went out that summer. it was horrible..

Kissed a member of the same sex…….Yes..

Crashed into a friend’s car…….. not that I recall

Been to Japan……… No

Ridden in a taxi…………No there aren’t any here.

Been dumped……….. No

Shoplifted………… No

Been fired…………. Yes Because I caught the flu and couldnt work on christmas eve with 102 fever

Had a crush on someone of the same sex………yes.

Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back……….. Yes.

Gone on a blind date…………. No

Lied to a friend…………… to save them from hurt yes. to lie to get out of something? no.

Had a crush on a teacher………… no.

Celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans……….. No

Slept with a co-worker………… No

Been married……….. yes

Had children…………. yes 3

Seen someone die………… yes its a horrible thing to see

Had a close friend die………. Yes

Been to Africa………… No

Driven over 400 miles in one day….. no

Been to US………… hmm yeah

Been to Mexico………. yes

Been to India…………. No

Been on a plane………… No and hopefully never will be

Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show………….no

Thrown up in a bar……….No

Purposely set a part of myself on fire…………no

Eaten sushi……….No

Been skiing/snowboarding…………. No. It doesnt snow much in SE Texas

Met someone in person from the internet………… Yes

Lost a child………… No, not my own child but my brother was like my child.

Gone to college/university…………No

Graduated college/university………….No

Fired a gun…………….. Yes

Purposely hurt yourself…………….. Yes

Taken painkillers…………… Yes

Been intimate with someone of the same gender…………… Yes

Did anyone ever watch that? It was on when I was a kid/teenager (hell I cant remember which)..But it comes on now at 4am on The N. Kids enjoy watching Noggin sometimes d uring the day so my TV rarely changes off of it.

Anyhow. I tend to relate rather well to the character Angela. I even remember the first I dyed my hair red and why I did it. I had the same screwed up relationship with my mom.

She was so on and off, hot and cold, wrong and right. I hated her. I loved her but I hated her. Not just like any teenager does. I couldnt stand to be around her to the point of moving out. Now dont get me wrong. My mother loved me, she saw to it that we had everything we needed. We just didnt get along. My dad swears its because we are just alike. And back then I didnt see it but I do now.

I’m bipolar. And I think she is too. She refuses to admit she has a problem and refuses to see a dr. However since she had her thyroid out she is alot better..hmm. But back to my story.

Growing up. We both had our share of problems. They didnt have anything to do with anyone else I think our problems were deep with in us. I dont know how she felt. I really dont know if I want to know. But I know how I felt. I hurt alot. The pain would get so bad inside I would feel like screaming. I had a fire burning inside of me. I wanted to pull my own hair out, throw things, be left alone. Hell half the time I didnt know what I wanted.

I dont think you can describe that pain with words. You just want it to stop. It hurts so bad. So much worse than physical pain. Physical pain would go away. The hurt inside never did. You just found ways to cover it up. To hide it so no one could see it. And so you could feel normal for just a little while. But you had to have something to cover the pain. Something ot make it stop..

I had my things of choice. My first was pills. It started in the 8th grade. It got worse. I popped pills until I got sick. I wouldnt eat. I threw up. No one knew. I was able to hide it for awhile. And when it was discovered I started drinking.

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New York Times Article…

MIAMI, June 15 - An exhaustive autopsy found that Terri Schiavo’s brain had withered to half the normal size since her collapse in 1990 and that no treatment could have remotely improved her condition, medical examiners said on Wednesday.

I dont know. Some how I think they should have been able to tell this years ago. While I feel for her parents for losing a child, I also believe this poor woman should never have been kept on life support for 14/15 years. Her parents used everything they could to fight the system and her husband. This case proves why its so important to have everything laid out incase anything was to ever happen to you. Of course we dont want to believe anything could ever happen to us or our spouses.

The thing that gets to me the most is the governments involvement in this case. It went on and on and on for years only to in the end prove that the husband was correct. This case shouldnt have been brought through the courts. The claims against the husband astounded me. In a way I can see where her parents were coming from

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I had the Honor of being tagged by Marti(link below)…

What 5 Things do you miss about your childhood?

But first the rules to this meme game:

Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog’s name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.

1. JustaskJudy http://justaskjudy.blogspot.com
2. Loose Leaf http://looseleafnotes.com
3. Lu’s News http://luann919.blogspot.com
4. Marti http://marti2212.blogspot.com/
5. Ivy Tied Up http://www.ivytiedup.com

Next: select new friends to add to the pollen count. (No one is obligated to participate).

1. xtessa http://deconstructingme.blogspot.com/
2. PresentStorms http://www.presentstorms.blogspot.com/
3. Catherine(The Fountains Pen) http://thefountainpen1.blogspot.com/
4. Ali http://www.thisisali.com/
5. Redhead Mommy http://redheadmommy.blogspot.com/

Let the game begin
1. I miss mostly the freedom. The only responsibility I had as a child was to listen to my parents, make my bed, and take a bath. And even then my parents were responsible for seeing that I did those things. I miss not having to pay bills, be some where at a certain time and the freedom of being care free. Freedom of not having the weight of the world on my shoulders.

2. I miss house I grew up in. Small no doubt. But it was home. Even when we moved to a bigger house when I was a teen I still dreamed about the house I spent 14 years in. It was mine. I had pasted stickers to the walls of my bedroom. Carved my name into them. In every way it was mine. The hole in the wall I left when I was mad at my sister(cant even remember the reason we were fighting), I remember the trouble I got into for it! It was comfort in that house. It was so simple then..

3. I miss baking cookies and making candy around the holidays. When I didnt really have to do more than taste test. No messes to clean up. I didnt have to keep up with a slew of children running through the house because I was the child. I’ll never forget the time my grandmother made rum balls only she put a lil too much rum in them..

4. I miss fishing in the lake. We lived on a lake when I was growing up. Small but still too big to be a pond. It was so pretty. It even had an island in the middle of it. We never went swimming in the lake but went fishing often. We had a lil boat that stayed pulled up in our yard and when we wanted to go fishing we just pushed it off the bank and jumped in. One winter the lake froze over and my dad had to get in the boat and break up the ice to free the ducks. Thats something I had pretty much forgotten about.

5.I miss the family get togethers. Sure we still get together but its different when you are the adult. As a kid I didnt catch the catty remarks from one relative to another. I wasnt worried about who said what. I helped set the table and pick up plates after dinner but the rest of the time was spent with cousins I was only able to see 2 times a year. As an adult I dont see them at all anymore. AHh the good times

On Xtessa’s blog..

I’m an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, tight as fuck, relatively well adjusted human being!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

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And if the kids ever go to sleep tonight I plan on making a real entry..

I know it may seem silly. But I sometimes wonder what If I run out of things to write? What if it’s not interesting? What if what if what if?

Truth is. I’ve always got plenty to write. I’ve got a long list of things that I think about, that affect me, bother me, piss me off, and make me happy. I’ve got a few causes and beliefs. Then why don’t I write about them?

I think deep down I may worry a little about what people think of me. It’s crazy I do believe because in essence I have created a pseudonym to write under in the first place. Now I find myself worrying that some might find my pseudonym offensive, crazy, off putting, boring ect. So now I’m thinking that I need a pseudonym for my pseudonym and then where does it stop?

Deep down I tell myself I don’t give a damn what others think. Then why hold back? Why limit myself? It’s a fake name. No one knows who I am in real life. But see there is the catch.

They do know. Because if I write it down. Even if they don’t know my real name. They still know ME. They know my private thoughts. My darkest secrets, what goes on in my life from the day to day garbage. In the end they will know things I wont even tell my own mother or husband. Yes I have real secrets. And its those very secrets I’ve kept just that. Secret. For fear of what others would think.

What it boils down to I think. Is that I’m scared of letting anyone in. Even if its a pseudonym writing. Because in the end its me I’m writing about. The real me. The real me that I often hide even from myself. So I find myself asking why the hell I started this blog then?

So starting tom(tom short for the day after today.. after awhile you guys will get use to it) I’m going to share a little bit of myself with you guys each day (assuming my kids do not keep me from writing). And I mean the real me. The one with secrets, the one who is afraid of letting anyone including herself see. The one who doesn’t want to get bashed because of things she may or may not believe in. The one who doesn’t like to be told she is wrong and can just see the hate mail coming in already. The one who started this blog to get it all out.

And if you haven’t figured it out yet. That is where my pseudonym comes from. I’m so tied up inside. The picture of the girl tied up isn’t about being tied up literally(although that’s a favorite past time). It’s about being tied up inside. Unable to let it all out.

So if at anytime in the future I do offend you please acknowledge that I have already said I’m sorry and probably will not do so again. Please acknowledge that I did in fact warn you that my thoughts on a lot of things are not of the “norm”. And please acknowledge that just because I do not believe in something doesn’t mean I am putting you down for believing. So any hate mail that you have to send in the near future you can save.. I won’t waste my time on hate mail. Constructive criticism I can handle.

You have been warned..
~Ivy

My MIL Called a few minutes ago. At this point I have a hard time being ugly to her because she had to have her baby put to sleep. Her and my FIL had to have their dog that they’ve had forever it seems put to sleep today. She had a tumor on her hip. They had noticed that lizzy had been walking weird for a while now. And finally decided to take her in. This was their baby in every sense of the word. She was their world. They bought her gifts for holidays ect. She even had her own recliner in their house. She was THE baby. So her death hits them hard.

My Fil will sulk for a long while. We knew this would be hard on him if anything ever happened to her. And of course I will have to explain this to my kids. Its one thing when a bug outside gets squished and is dead but its another when it is a beloved family animal. Which takes me back to why I do not have any animals other than my fish.

I had a cat growing up. My parents got her when I was born. My aunt gave her to my mom as a present when I was brought home from the hospital(yes lovely timing huh). The cat and I grew up together and she was my “baby”. There are stories from when I was a child of if I was sick or coughed in the middle of the night the cat would go get in my moms face and wake her up and force her to go to my room and check on me. I will never forget the time I had done something wrong and my mom went to spank me, only to result in my cat attacking her and clawing the hell out of her legs until she gave up spanking me. That was the last spanking I received.

That cat and I had been through hell together. She got out one time. We lived infront of a lake. She went straight up a tree infront of the lake. We called everyone we could and no one could help us. the fire debt didnt have a long enough ladder. Well after a week and half she fell out of that tree. And needed surgery to survive. My parents loving me like they did took out a loan to get my cat the surgery she needed. And she survived and we did well. Until I was 14. She developed cancer and we had to ahve her put to sleep..

That was when I really learned what death was about. I lost the one thing that meant the world to me. Since then I havent had an animal that I really care about and probably never will. I have built up this gaurd that protects me from falling in love with a pet because sooner or later it will die. And even though it is just a pet. Pet lovers out there will tell you that no matter how hard you try. YOu can not replace a pet that you have lost. You can buy replacements but you wont ever replace the one lost.

So Even though I cant stand my inlaws I still feel for them at this time. Because I do understand what it is they are feeling at this point. My mil swears she will never get another dog to replace Lizzy. I’m not sure they could replace her if they tried.
So now to figure out what to tell my kiddos…

As you may or may not have noticed, I havent had time to write over the weekend. It has been one thing after another here on the home front and I’ve been basically exhausted.

After the countless fights my oldest two have had (5 yrs and 4 yrs) I decided it was time for me to get a much needed break. As much of a break as I could anyhow. So I sent the Diva off to her great grandmothers for a few days. She is the only one that any of the family will take. She is the only one who has ever stayed anywhere other than home. I think the other 2 are due but unless I hire someone to keep them over night it isn’t going to happen.

We are only two weeks into summer vacation and i’m already ready to take off running through my house while pulling whats left of my hair out and screaming like a banshee. Atleast then I wouldnt have a voice left to yell with and I wouldnt worry about not liking my current drab hair color of dark brown with red highlights. And then the kids might think mom has gone off the deep end and leave me alone for more than 3 seconds at a time.

I of course am again exhausted. The kids do not sleep if they do its far less sleep than what I am starting to need. At one point I could go a week with out sleep and be okay until I had a major crash session. I would love to say this was in my younger years but seeing as how I cant classify 25 as old then I’m probably not qualified to use the term “my younger years”.

The lil one is still up. She has slept a total of 2 hours tonight. She is up watching Barney. About 4 hours ago I was ready to rip my entire house apart looking for the one movie she wanted to watch. You know that point you hit w hen you are so far past being “sane” that you will do whatever it takes to make the screaming stop. Well her screaming would only be stopped with a certain barney movie that sings the dumbest songs ever. If I have to hear that stupid purple dinosaur one more time I’m going to smash the vcr into a thousand pieces and then say ,”I didnt do it”. After all it works for the kids.

Lack of sleep, 2 year olds who refuse to sleep more than 2 hours, Heat, humidity, Hubbies who cant lift a finger for themselves, Inlaws, and 4&5 year olds who scream and hit while pretending to be monsters is why Prozac and Xanax were made. The person who invented them has been in my shoes. He/She (no I refuse to do the research to find out which. Hell it might even be they.) Has had a toddler that grew into a child who thought he or she was a monster and ran around the house screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
non stop for hours upon hours every day and head butting everything in its path. He or she has had a husband who cant find his own clothes in the morning, inlaws who call 300 times a day, has had to live in the depths of texas, in the hell of humidity central, and the only way he or she survived was to get high off of medication.
Ahh yes, I have been there and I thought I was doing good..

There is always tom right? Why is it that tom never comes then? And no tom doesnt mean TOM like the name. It means the day after today only shortened b/c I’m too lazy at this moment to type the freaking word out.

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On another note.

I missed my nieces birthday party. I sent my oldest with my grandmother. I just woke up feeling like crap that morning. Well when my grandmother asked what was wrong. I stated I just was not feeling well. I felt bla to put it nicely. Just worn down and over all feeling pukey and like crap. Her response? ” YOU’RE NOT PREGNANT ARE YOU?” My reaction was not very nice. SO I had to slow down and count to ten before I lost it on this poor lil old lady who has been there for me while growing up. My response was a simple no.

As the hours grew on. I kept thinking,”What the fuck? Am I not allowed to feel bad now days? how come every time I get down and out someone asks if i’m pregnant. And what If I was? Would it be any of their fucking business? no Im certainly NOT pregnant but its not up for their consideration and its not up for their comments or personal attacks. I’m tired of everytime I get a lil down or worn out from the day to day crap someone putting me down in a condescending tone asking me if i am pregnant. ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS EVEN IF I WAS! If I ever do choose to have another one. It WILL be my choice but I can promise you I will be the topic of choice in my family. Its a sin you know to have more than 3 kids. Hell with them its a sin to have more than 2. They act like the earth is going to start crumbling the second another baby is born. The way they act. You would think that they have actually kept my kids more than once (Which they have NOT! My own mother has kept my oldest a total of 4 times 2 of which being over night. and she is going to be 6 years old next week. She has kept my 4 year old a total of 2 times.And she has kept hte baby 2 times . NEVER being over night!) No one has raised my kids other than myself! So I think they all just need to keep their noses in their own gossip pools and leave mine alone!

ROFLMAO… I found this funny… **A friend of mine showed this to me last night..**
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Since I believe with hubby number 2 I shouldn’t have to settle or put up with anything I choose not to, I think I shall start this search now. No no.. I’m not divorced yet or even separated yet, but still I believe its time to start this journey. 
The following questionnaire and information sheet will help me with my journey.

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