Ivy Tied Up |

I stopped smoking in Jan. On Jan 1.With in a week I was sick as a dog. Throat infection, allergy/sinus infection, ear ache. Then I got the flu because I couldnt get over that mess. I stayed sick from jan till march. I was in and out of the doctors office. I couldnt get well. It was ridiculous. Tons of money thrown down the drain because the meds wouldnt make me well. I had so much fluid in my ears the doctor swore to me he didnt see how they hadnt busted. He swore that any minute they were goign to bust and there wasnt anything they could do for me if they did. He said it would hurt like hell to be ready for it. It was literally the most miserable 2 1/2 to 3 months of my life. I was so freaking miserable. I remember telling my mom then. That it was odd that while I smoked I didnt get sick often. A cold here and there yes, seasonal allergies yes, Constant I feel like ive been ran over and am going to die sick? No.. but with in a week of stopping smoking I was horribly ill. I started smoking in March again. I couldnt deal with the stress that was going on in my life. The constant pressure and the sickness I felt. But I felt like a loser for smoking again. I wanted to quit and not start back. i really did. My kids were so proud of me when I quit. And when I started back I let them down. I felt like shit. But the odd thing was.. While I have had a virus here and there since i started smoking again I havent dealt with allergy/sinus or an ear ache at all. Sure i’ve gotten sick. I had that stomach virus and another virus but it lasted a few days not months and I was over it. I didnt have constant itchy watery eyes, my head did not pound, I havent had pressure in my ears making my feel like my head was going to explode. So from March until recently Ive been okay.. Mostly..

Now fast forward until this past week. I stopped smoking again. Yeah i didnt blog about it because I didnt want to jinx myself. I started a few weeks ago cutting down (which in all reality does not really work.. you want to stop you stop cold turkey..)So about a week and half ago i stopped completely. Well in the last few days.. The sickness is back. The itchy watery eyes. Constant itchy nose. Sore throat, my ear is killing me. The fluid is building BACK up.. And its the same ear it started off with last time. My voice is shot because the throat crap. The infection is coming back. The pressure is building. And im back on the meds I was on last time for it that didnt help so much. BUT it did get the fluid down in my ears.. This is unreal to me. It really is. It makes no sense to me what so ever. you are suppose to be healthier when you stop smoking. YOu are suppose to feel better, have more energy, ect. ect. ect. But everytime i stop smoking I get sick. This has been the same result over the last 5 years.. so WHY do i stop? I crave them really bad. So bad i could claw someones eyes out. My blood pressure says that I HAVE to stop. I can not keep smoking. I will die early in my life. I no longer want to be a walking time bomb. A friend told me this happens to some people. She told me to stick with it that my body must adjust. Last time after 2 1/2 to 3 months I was still sick. i had been on round after round of medication. I cant do that again. I couldnt even care for my kids I was so sick. This makes no sense what so ever and it sounds like a crazy excuse to smoke.. LOL But I wont.. I have to stop.. My kids want me to.. And my doctor told me to. And its just the smart thing to do. And not only that.. Do you see what they are charging for a pack of Marlboros now days??