I hate you
Posted by ivy | Under Ivy Unleashed Wednesday Nov 9, 2005Strong words that hit the hardest. I think At some point we’ve all said them. Anyone who claims they’ve never said I hate you to someone, well frankly I just dont believe them. You might have been 7 years old and yelled it at your mum as she shut your bed room door grounding you for drawing pictures on the walls, refusing to let you play outside because of this or that. Point is I believe at some point we’ve all yelled, wispered, cried out I hate you at one time or another. I’ll even give you that around 98% of the time when its spoken its not meant. Often its yelled in anger. Its not actually meant. I’ll give you that much.
BUT what about when it is meant. That one or two precent when its actually meant. Think about whate hate means. What it entails. What causes a grown person to hate. To despise someone so much that they can actually hate them and can say it to their face. I’m not talking strong dislike. Or not getting along. I’m talking hate to the point of pure disgust. And i’m not talking about racists and people who dont know the people they claim to hate. I’m talking about hating someone you know. someone you know well. Some one you can’t stand to be around, look at, talk to.
When they walk into the room you are instantly filled with dread, disgust, sick to your stomach, bitter taste fills your m outh when they start talking. Everything about them disgusts you to the point of where there is nothing left to do but hate them. Its almost a passion. Not a burning desire but a passion deep down inside and it starts to bubble and fizzle and burn to where you want to throw up when they are around.
Pure disgust. What makes someone hate some one that much that they literally can not stand the site of them. And they KNOW the person. Can someone be that awful to make someone else who knows them hate them that much? That answer is yes.
I dont know about you, but I live daily with someone like that in my life. I can look at them and tell them point blank I HATE YOU and mean it. 100%. Hate isnt even a strong enough word. There isnt one thing about the person I like. Not one. Ive tried over the last 8 years to find one thing I like about the person. Just one. To convince myself that there is something good about them. That they have a good point somewhere I just cant find it. After 8 years I give up. I don’t care. Except for the fact that this person is in my daily life and there is absolutely NO way to rid my life of them. I can’t ignore them. I can’t avoid them. I see them daily. I cant get rid of them. And hate isnt a strong enough word.
I despise the person. Everything they stand for. They start talking and instant buzzing sounds start up in my ears and I feel the need to vomit. They are that repulsive. How do you deal with someone like that. They take pleasure in my hatered for them. They take pleasure in knowing how much they disgust me. How much I despise them. They take more pleasure in knowing that I can’t get them out of my life. They take pleasure in knowing that there isnt anything I can do to get them out of my daily life. There is absolutely no way I can do it. They take pleasure in making sure I despise them as much as possible. They take pleasure in making sure I hate every single thing about them. They infact find it funny. Ignoring them makes it worse.
Ignoring them gives them something to talk about, to laugh about, to joke about. Avoiding them just brings them to me. So what do I do?
How do you go on when something about someone you have to deal with daily digusts you so much you despise them to the point of hating them with a passion that is elevated everytime you have to look at them or hear their voice.
How can someone be so disgusting? And take pleasure in it? Its not even physical. Its who they are.. What they are about. Their outlook on life. Everything about them.
You raise your kids not to hate. You teach them not to hate. Yet sometimes hate isnt a strong enough emmotion or word.
Well… this must be a family member… and my guess is the inlaws. I pray things get better somehow. No one should have to live that way. Hugssssss sweety
I used to have quite a few people I hated, just this year actually. They fired me, talked behind my back, screwed me over, then screwed me over again, and pretty much just treated me worse than anyone had ever treated me before in my life. Then I faced them in court and saw them for the losers and pathetic excuses for human beings they really are. Then I beat them in court. Then I realized that me hating them was holding me back from moving on and forgiving and forgetting, so even though I am still not fond of these people AT ALL I don’t hate them anymore. I hate the feeling of not being able to let go and I forced myself to get over the hate. Then again, I don’t have to see them anymore and I have no idea how I might actually feel if I do see them. Good luck dealing with the person whom you despise. I know what it’s like, but not to an extreme. Sometimes I’ve been accepting and forgiving to the point that it comes back to bite me in the ass lol.
Careful, Ivy, hatred works both ways. it is destructive to the person that you seek to destroy as well as to yourself. Nietzsche said, “One must be careful killing monsters. When you look long into the abyss, the abyss looks long into you.”
You are giving them too much power over you.
*HUGS* and relax:-)
Thanks guys for your comments..
Carlo.. I’ve never set out to destroy anyone no matter what my feelings about them were.. I can deal with my feelings. but you are right. The hatred.. Its a two way street. Only I’m not the one out to destroy. Its the other way around has been since day one. And if I went into more detail. (I just dont have time right now) I could explain that the hatred being destructive to the person you seek to destroy as well as yourself. Its the other way around.. I’m not the seeker. And it is destroying this person. They laugh at me. No doubt they are out ot make me as miserable as can be. BUT its killing this person and I dont have to do a thing but keep my mouth shut and walk off. This persons world is falling apart at their feet all because he let his hatred of me eat him up and he couldnt keep his mouth shut. He had to let it out. He told the wrong people, made up lies, spewed his hate till it foamed at his mouth and now its eating him from the inside out. And i’ve taken it in and taken it in and ignored it and ignored it and tried to do the right thing and thats what I continue to do and he is losing the battle. My battle is with my own feelings of him. Not with him because I refuse to fight with him. I dont like him, I can hate him and deal with him. Ive done it for 8 years. I wont let it eat at me. Thats what this blog is for.. To get it out. It took me a few years to get it right though. To get past my feelings for him to where I didnt let them hurt me. I’m learning. Slowly but surely.. As for him. He wont learn.. In the end. He is getting to be an old man. In the end he will die with his hatred and what it has done to him. He is laughing at me…. At the pain he thinks he has caused me. He laughs at the fact that he repulses me. And while he does repulse me.. I feel nothing else towards him. No need to see him hurt, to hurt him, to make his life worse, i hate him thats easy. But I feel nothing else for him. I dont have to. He is doing it enough to himself.. He is a pitiful old man who is going to die alone one day.
Do i sound vengeful? or mean or rude? I hope not.. It would take me forever to tell you all about who he is and what kind of person he is. He is hurting himself way way more than he is hurtingme..or me him… I go out of my way to be nice to him.. because there are others involved who I refuse to hurt with my hatred.
I cannot even begin to tell you how you should respond to this, for I’ve never been in your shoes. If I’ve gotten to that point, I’ve been fortunate enough to where he/she hasn’t remained in my life. I’m so sorry you have to go through this on a daily basis.