Ivy Tied Up |

Why do friends hold something over us? The power to make us feel completely useless or completely wonderful. Friends can be the best thing to happen to you or the complete worst. Reason being friends know things about you that others dont.

You let them in, let them see you for who you are. The real you. Bad jokes, bad habbits, emmotions, ect. They see you for who you are. They know things you wouldnt want tv crews to know. They say friends are your worst enemies..They know all your deep dark secrets(oh come on we’ve all got a few). you know the ones that you dont even tell your spouse or parents.

A friend I considered myself really close to pulled away recently. I could see it happening. Could feel it. And when i’d ask what was wrong they’d say nothing. I’m not one to pry so I let it go. I accepted it and moved on. It got worse. She became more distant and i’m sure I did too. Over time I think anger started to set up that I wasn’t there for her. I didnt know how to be there for her because I wasnt aware that I needed to be at that point. I accepted that everything was fine. I went on acting like everything was fine trying to keep out of her personal business because to me it seemed she didnt want me in it. So instead I tried to tell her about my life.

It came out as me being self absorbed in a sense. That wasnt the case but thats the way it came across. I’ve never been good at being a friend. Not because i’m self absorbed but because I tend to give people distance and expect it myself. I like to have my own space. I may dissappear for a week or two. I may be around but not talkative. I dont enjoy talking on the phone often and in the end I appear to not care. I do care. I really do. I can’t help how I am.

It’s how i’ve always been. Sometimes I just dont have alot to say. Doesnt mean I dont care. Just means I’m in another mood or another world miles away. Sometimes so consumed with whats going on in my life I don’t want to talk about it and can’t for the life of me find anything else to talk about so I prefer to not talk at all.

This has put strains on the relationships in my life. I’m sure you can imagine. Those who really know me and have been around it for several years have come to except that thats just me. And it doesnt mean I dont care it just means i’ll be back in a lil while…LOL..

Funny thing is.. My dad is the same way. People are always trying to reach him and he can sit right there and watch the phone ring and never answer. He rarely returns emails or phone calls. (I do however return emails).

I’ve got to find a way to show my friends that I do care because not all of them understand how i am and I dont think I should expect them to. Being a friend isnt a part time job. It like any other relationshiop takes work.