Ivy Tied Up |

So how is everyone? I’ve got some blog hopping to do.. These last 2 days. It’s been a lil busy.. But not busy like those of you who work then go home and take care of things. My busy has been a personal busy. Inside my own mind. A battle if you will. All in my head.. Basically I’ve decided to do something and i’ve set my mind to it. So i’ve been busy researching recipes, how to make a recipe less calories, where I can cut corners, ect.

Then I’ve got another battle. The one with my oldest. She is a drama queen from head to toe. She does something wrong and then screams its not fair when she is punished for it. Her life is never fair. She never gets to do anything. I never let her have anything. I never , I never, I never, I never, I never, I never LET HER DO ANYTHING!
BUT she is 6 years old!!! Thats it!!! Only 6.. I thought this attitude started in a few more years.. WTF is going on?
You know.. I’m a mean, horrible mother. All because I don’t let her do what she wants to when she wants to..
Well the mean horrible mother that I am.. I grounded her until Friday. It started off as just today. But she just kept on running that mouth and running it and running it and running it and do you know what I wanted to do? I wanted to yell and scream at her and pop her directly in the mouth like my mom would have done me..
Do you think thats what I did?

NOPE.. Instead I calmed myself down, told her that she wouldnt be allowed outside today, and she wouldnt be allowed to watch tv. That instead of doing those things she was going to spend some much needed quiet time in her room. What do you think her reaction to that was? She started stomping and pitching a fit.. A 6 year old! Pitching a fit like a 2 year old! So I picked her up.. Carried her to her room. Put her ON her bed. And told her to enjoy her stay in her room for the rest of the day and wed as well. I walked into the kitchen to finish dinner and she started kicking the floor. So now she will enjoy the comfort of her room until Friday. I just dont get her throwing fits.. UGH!
OH! And do you know what started all of this? I asked her to sit down and lets study her spelling words.. We do spelling words every day after school. Why choose to pitch a fit today?

Does ANYONE have this problem? She is so overly dramatic that it can totally ruin your day. She is a drama queen about EVERYTHING..

And last but not least.. Why is it that the kids bathroom is ALWAYS out of toilet paper??????????

A new blog just for my weight loss journey… I did the layout myself.. WOO HOO.. I think it looks okay..

Wanna give it a look..

Make Ivy Skinny

I’ve got to lose weight. I know I blogged about this the other day. But see.. I’m one of these people that fail at what I normally set out to do. Maybe i’ve got it in my head that i’m going to fail so I set myself up to fail. Part of the problem in the past. I set my goals to high and then when I don’t achieve them i get flustered and stop. Or I get too tired with the kids , husband, house, mess, bla bla bla.. Its all excuses. It doesn’t matter anymore.

Truth is. I’m unhealthy and this is what matters. It DOES matter to me. It IS IMPORTANT to me.

I’ve let my husband and my family run me into the ground and i’ve let their lack of support get to me and i’ve in the end proven them right every time. I DON”T want to do this anymore. I seem to have no will power at all. I tend to push it to the back of my mind. But this killer voice in the back of my head keeps repeating.. YOUR GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK AT 25!!! So i’ve got to do something..

So I’m going to start recording my journay in my blog. Why not? I put everything else here right? My weight issues are a very sensitive subject for me. I tend to ignore them and let them go so that I don’t have to deal with them.. I don’t think i’m alone in that though. My best friend told me that when you are REALLY ready and fed up you’ll do something about it.. It’s hard though. It’s so easy to keep on living like i’m living and ignore it.

BUT before you guys start thinking I just eat and eat and eat and eat and eat.. Thats not the case. I had thyriod problems before I had my oldest and after she was born. I put on a bunch of weight and since then its just kept getting worse with each pregnancy. I do not over eat. Hell I rarely do eat. My biggest problem is that I DONT eat. I will eat once a day. Which we all know isnt healthy. I don’t prefer junk food. I don’t like sweets. So whats the problem? I chase 3 kids all day every day. I should be stick then. Should be and are. Well its two very different things..

Anyhow. My goal for now is this:
To eat atleast 3 decent meals a day.
Drink atleast 4- 16.9 oz bottles of water a day.
Lose 10 lbs.

At first I put a deadline on that 10 lbs. But then I realized i’m setting myself up if I do that. That’s where i’ve failed before. Of co urse we can’t wait 6 months to lose 10 lbs but putting a deadline on the 10 lbs isnt goign to help me lose because when I fail.. I’ll be tempted to quit..

So what do I want from you guys with this post? I want you guys to kick my ass atleast once a week and ask how i’m doing. Help me hold myself accountable.. I’m looking for your support in this since I KNOW i won’t get it at home (VERY LONG STORY…)
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OH! And you guys know.. I failed hte last time I tried to stop smoking. But when I ended up in the ER on Jan 1st.. They told me if I even took one drag off a smoke I could end up back there because it’s going to make my ears bad again and all that jazz.. Now I don’t really believe one drag is going to put me back in the ER.. But I haven’t smoked since.. I realize its only been 8 days but still its 8 days!!

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and on a side note.. My previous post.. No I wont be answering those two questions here.. I’ve answered one of them on my blog before.. I’m just not gonna tell you what post or when..

Why is it that when you are having an in depth personal conversation with someone about who you are and who they are that they turn to your sex life. It never fails. Even more so if its a man. But not only do they want to know the details of your sex life but the second question after they turn to the sex questions is always one of the following.

1. Have you ever kissed another woman?
2. Have you ever had sex with another woman?

Now I’m no prude. Far from it. I don’t mind talking about sex but why are these always the first questions? What is the fascination? Men??????????

Have you ever been asked a question that made you say, “WHAT?”

Do you guys have ANY idea how hard it is not to eat when you’re sitting here adding recipes to a recipe site you’re working on? Everything sounds so good and I just want to eat.. I’m refusing to eat at 1:50am though!

Absolutely REFUSE TO!

It wont help me lose any weight if I do. So I’m drinking my water wishing the hunger would go away. But is it real hunger? That is the question..

So tell me.. What are you craving?

Oh! Wanna see my recipe site i’m working on? Still adding a good amount of recipes to it. Trying to add recipes i’ve actually tried first..
Ivy’s Recipe Site…

Thought I’d share a recipe. Can’t remember where this came from..
The kids love it!

Ham & Apple Skillet Bake
Ingredients

3 cups frozen loosely packed hash brown potatoes with onion and peppers

1 small onion, chopped (1/4 cup)

1 large red apple (such as Jonathan), cored and chopped (about 1 cup)

1 teaspoon dried sage, crushed

2 tablespoons water

1 cup diced fully cooked ham

1-1/2 cups fat-free milk

1 cup frozen egg product, thawed, or 4 beaten eggs

1/2 cup shredded low-fat cheddar cheese (2 ounces)

1/4 teaspoon salt

Fresh sage (optional)

Instructions
1. Thaw potatoes for 30 minutes. Press between paper towels to remove moisture. Set aside.
2. In a 10-inch ovenproof skillet cook onion, apple, sage, and water over medium heat until onion is tender. Remove from heat. Stir in potatoes and ham.
3. Combine milk, egg product or eggs, cheese, and salt. Pour egg mixture into skillet. Do not stir. Bake, uncovered, in a 350 degree F oven for 30 to 35 minutes or until center appears just set. Garnish with fresh sage, if desired. Makes 6 servings.

Nutrition facts per serving:
calories: 254 total fat: 12g saturated fat: 4g cholesterol: 21mg
sodium: 561mg carbohydrate: 21g fiber: 2g protein: 16g
vitamin A: 10% vitamin C: 16% calcium: 15% iron: 12%

When I doze off into dream land i’m often awoken in extreme fear or with another extreme emmotion. Its never something easy. My dreams tend to be really horrible. I awake with fear, anger, or hurt. They are never nice. I would love to say its the meds i’ve been on but I think the meds are making me have crazy dreams. They fly from one thing to the next and don’t ever make sense..

But my dreams mostly are while not scary the pain in the dreams is so real. I wake up feeling the pain. The emmotions are just so extreme. There are three I keep having over and over again and the scenario is the same only with different people. Trust me you’ll see a pattern..

First. My parents are involved in a car crash. In my dream i’m overwhelmed with my feelings of having to take care of everything and getting everything done. All their things squared away. Then i’m overwhelmed with the hurt I feel for their deaths. it gets so extreme and so real that I wake up crying and in a panic because I can’t believe they are gone. That hurt and pain carries over to my day to day life because I’ve lived it in my dream. And since its a reoccuring dream I relive it over and over again. It tends to ruin my day for several days after having the dream.

My second dream that reoccurs often is that my husband is killed. (Notice a pattern here?)
I tend to wake up freaking out. Its always the same. Something happens (hunting accident, car wreck, plant explodes that he is working in) and then the officers show up at my door, knock, and say i’m sorry, and then I fall apart..

3rd dream… My kids are hurt. They don’t die but are hurt and i’m not there to care for them. They are either with their father or grandparents and hurt. They need medical attention and all they want is their mum and i’m not there. They are crying and calling for me and I can’t get to them. In this dream i’m no where in the dream. Its just them and whatever has happened, who they are with and them crying and screaming for me and i’m not there. Their fear, pain, ect. I feel it. I wake up hurting because I wasn’t there when they needed me. Then it ruins my day for a few days after I have that dream.

I have those 3 dreams often. Little details change in them but the scenario is always the same. Sometimes I dream about all 3 of them in one night. It really puts me in a bad depressed mood and I can’t help it. I have problems getting out of that funk once its started. I can’t stop the dreams. I’m not obsessed with death like one friend seems to think. I’m not a 100% negative person. I don’t want these things to happen, but I can’t stop my dreams.

I told my mom at one time that i’m becoming so paranoid from my dreams that its getting out of hand. I can’t help how these dreams make me feel. They aren’t just dreams. The emmotions feel so real like i’m living it. I wake up feeling the emmotions like I did in the dream. Like its real. Like it just happened. It makes me not want to go to sleep.

I’m feeling better. Alot better than I was yesterday. After a few days of antibiotics my throat isnt hurting nearly as bad and I can start swallowing again. The meds i’m on make me sleepy. so i’m a lil r un down and just generally tired. few more days of rest and I should be back to par. I hate the meds though. One makes me cough. The doctor said I would start coughing and crap with it. Um if it wasnt broken why fix it? But apparently it was broken I just didnt know it. I felt fine before the fever hit me the other day. i had a slight ear ache but I felt totally fine. Next day fever set in and when it did it hit fast. Good news. The kids show no signs of catching this mess.

Hubby has been far from helping. He has been a jerk in that department. My house looks like a twister hit it. Dh is going hunting this weekend. Deer season has ended and hog season has began. Guess our freezer is getting low on pork.

FYI.. We don’t tend to buy meat at the grocery store. Ours comes from the woods. My husband kills all our meat.. So hunting season he tends to be non involved in the home life.

Diva went back to school on tuesday. She seems to be glad to be back.