Ivy Tied Up |

Doesnt begin to describe what i’ve been through in the last 24 hours. The baby is giving me all kinds of problems. I spent all day yesterday in my bathroom sick as a dog.. Today.. I’m extremely sore from that ordeal. My whole body hurts. My ribs, back, legs,everything. It hurts to breathe. Today im taking it easy… This has been a rough week. A VERY rough week.. I’m 16 weeks tom.. Will update as soon as I’m feeling better.. As it hurts to sit or do anything.. my whole body feels like i’ve had the flu..

Tomorrow they aren’t..

While I’ve given up on the situation with my parents. I can’t just walk away. But I can ignore them and stay out of it.. At this point I think they both need a week in the loony bin if not way way way longer. It really is a wonder they’ve made it 26 years. Its been almost 27.. I said 25 the other day and my mother was quick to correct me.. And while my parents were good parents.. And always there for us and all that jazz.. This is still the cycle we lived with for as long as I can remember. Granted no one moved out until I was a teenager and moved out myself. (17/18 years old). But the love/hate relationship is something I’m very familiar with and it doesn’t hurt as bad as it once did. Now it’s become something you get familiarized with but something you can’t understand. How can two people do that to themselves and not just walk away.. It seems to me walking away would be easier than the constant bullshit.

Not much else has been going on in my neck of the woods. It’s been mainly dealing with my parents crud.. And the emotional stress they throw out from it.. By dealing with it I mean trying to avoid it. I’m not alone in that because my sister is trying as well..

My youngest(3years) is now obsessed with the idea of a new baby.. She wants to know when its coming. She walked up to me the other morning and said for me to come on lets go. I asked where to she said the Dr. I told her i didn’t need to go to the Dr she said,”Yeah huh” I asked why and she said,”So he can pull the baby out”
My son (5years) was quick to inform her it doesn’t work that way. He told her that I have to go into the hospital and I’ll have to stay there a few days and sugar just wasn’t happy about that! She said,”Me go wit you”

Sugar has also become a very funny Lil thing lately..This is a conversation we had the other day:

Sugar,”Mommy where the baby at? It still in your stomach?”

Me: “yes baby its still in my stomach”

Sugar,: “When it comin out?”

Me: “Not for awhile”

Sugar, “why”

Then we had this conversation:
“Mommy, can me be a mermaid?”

I said huh?

She said,”Can me be a mermaid, Like in thu waterrrrrrrrrrrr”

See 3 year olds can be a lot of fun.. When they aren’t throwing tantrums and yelling and screaming and trying to get their way in the middle of a packed grocery store to where every person in there thinks you are just the meanest person in the world because you wont shut that screaming kid up by buying her some candy..

My parents that is.. Me I’ve done well to stay out of it but it still affects me as its hurting my sister more than it is me. Apparently my dad is on one of his self destruct paths. He did this a few years ago to where his life was so out of his control he spiraled farther and further until he had lost everything he had. Not literally but figuratively (SPL). But the question is..

What is the driving force behind his spiral? What causes his life to spin so out of control that he no longer has any control left at all?

The only answer I can come up with is that he is the cause.. He seems to go through these things and he gets out of control. And then everything keeps going from there. It starts at work.. The stresses of his job then it gets worse and he cant stop the feeling he gets. Then he spends money he doesn’t have. He finances things until he is back in debt. Which he recently did by buying a boat, a new camera, a new case for said camera, a new computer (I think he paid cash though), a new lawn mower, etc. He managed to get out of debt and build his credit back up a few years ago.. And now he is right back where he was. Credit cards maxed out, etc. And he cant afford it all and the stress is getting to him. So that plus the stress of his job he starts taking it out on my mom.. And things get worse. The spiral starts and then it continues until he flips out.

Which he did the other day and my sister was the one to feel his wrath. He flipped out over her not calling him back. She was cleaning house that day and he had called like 20 times. She forgot to call him back later in the day and he flipped out. The next day he told her to never call him again, to go to his house and get all her shit out of his house or he’d go throw it in her front yard. See what i mean? That is WAY Over the top.. Extreme.. You don’t talk to your kids like that..

See he went off on her.. because he is trying to fight with my mom. I say trying because she is refusing to fight back. He wants to fight. He wants her to fight back and argue and everything else. he cant stand it when he is like this and no one will fight back.. Well he thinks my sister is on her(my moms) side. He thinks she is taking my moms side and that she thinks about him like my mom does.. And she (my sister) didn’t even say anything or do anything for that matter. Now Jennifer is not often innocent. Nor is my mom.. They are RARELY innocent.

They love to gang up on me and my dad. So I know how he is/was feeling. I know the frame of mine he was thinking with. BUT That gave him NO RIGHT to do what he did or say what he did.. They have often excluded him and made him the butt of their jokes. They have honestly pushed him past the breaking point. His reaction is really all he has left. And I understand this.. But I also know that gives him NO RIGHT to do her like he did.. She didn’t do anything. He did this to her 6 years ago.. He threw her out of his house because she didn’t agree with him. And she had no where else to go with her daughter and they came and lived with me.. Long story short.. He eventually apologized which he always does to her.. And things were fine..Then a few years later he did it again. Then again. And now again. And this time she is hurt way too badly to take an apology for it..

Now see.. I think my dad has lost it I really do. He is on this vendetta to make my moms life a living hell. Like she did to him for so many years. When I was growing up it was hell. You never knew how her mood would be. If she’d like you that day or not. She made everyone around her miserable for 20 years. NOW he thinks he is going to do it to her. He has moved out 4 times. This time he refuses to leave. Its like he moved in just to piss her off and see how miserable he can make her. He flat out told me he will NOT leave this time that he has realized that’s his damn house and its in his control now.

Now whats bad. My mom she wont leave. She has put her heart into that house. And fixed it to where its hers. She cant see leaving it. She cant really afford the house on her own either though. I think they’d be better off divorced. I’m tired of the bickering I’m tired of all the crap that comes with being their child. I love both of my parents but its coming. Even though my mom can be a huge bitch (yes I said it and I mean it..She really can be) Ive got a better relationship with her than I’ve ever had.

My mom has always been a monster. Literally. But a few years ago. She had her thyroid out and things REALLY CHANGED. Her moods were not as bad. Before they were severely extreme and now my dad thinks he will pay her back for all her years of cruelty. And I think its stupid. Revenge is stupid. You don’t move in with someone JUST to make them miserable. It makes the whole damn family miserable.

I see where this is headed and its scary. See they were arrested over a year ago. For domestic bullshit. My mom thought she’d show my dad by calling the cops because he threw a soda and it went everywhere and he refused to clean it up. (see this has been going on forever) They got out. It hurt both of them because they both hold respectable jobs and word spread really easily considering it was in the paper on Sunday! My dad works a state job.. It really hurt him.. They both swore they’d never go back that way again and things got better for a while. And yet here we are again.. Its coming.. Its coming!!!!!!!!!!He doesn’t see it like I do..

He is on the verge of losing everything he has again. His respect, self respect (I think that already gone), his friends, his family, his possessions(because they will be repossessed because he cant afford them), his house, his life, etc. And with out your family and friends what do you have???????????? You have nothing.. NOTHING..

And when it comes down to it.. I’m going to be asked to take sides.ANd I’m going to refuse and things will get rather tense.. You see my dad wont treat me like he does my mom and sister. He will just bitch non stop and try to get me to take his side.. And my mom will do the same.. And if she thinks I’m on my dads side.. I’ll get the silent treatment from her.. And my dad.. if he thinks I’m on my moms side.. He will call non stop and try to plead his case all the while saying that he isn’t trying to bad mouth my mom..

I just don’t see anything good coming out of this. What scares me and you can all say I’m being silly here.. But I’m not.. I’ve had this same dream forever.. Since I was a teen. My parents end up being the death of each other. They are fighting and then boom its over.. I’ve told them this. They both think I’m silly but I’m not..

My mom showed up over here at 10 am today. I knew something was up. She doesn’t EVER come over my house and she damn sure doesn’t come over that early because she assumes we are asleep. We weren’t asleep though. We were outside cleaning the yard and washing my car.. She was surprised.. i asked what was up she said nothing. She just kinda hung around not saying anything.

Then I talked to my sister tonight. She said that my mom told her she couldn’t wash her clothes at home that my dad told her she had to pay rent to wash her clothes.. IN HER OWN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is getting absurd.. Beyond crazy! I don’t need this shit with me being pregnant.. Its getting old.. And this time I can honestly say.. My sister and my mom didn’t do anything. BUT i guess years of what one could call mental torture has caught up with him.. And I can honestly say it has been years of mental torture.. Mental hell.. Because I lived it with him. I know. But That doesn’t give him any right to act like they did.. This is one instance where 2 wrongs certainly do not make a right..

15 weeks now. Oye!

lets see.. First.. I slept for like 12 hours yesterday. I went to bed at 4:30pm. I was exhausted.

2nd. The meds the dr gave me are great! They help. Atleast after taking them I can brush my teeth!!

3rd.. My face now looks like road kill.. I’m broken out.. And it has me depressed.. (oh well.. it will all be over soon enough anyhow right?)

4th.. 4 fingernails have broken.. LOL.. Stuff happens..

I’m starting to get some appetite back.. Which is good.. Now if i can just shove in more water.. My skin is so dried out. I’m using lotion but its not helping..I’m trying to drink more fluids.. I just cant seem to get enough in me.. The dry skin is so bad that I scratched in my sleep the other day and now have marks all over my chest..

Im really outgrowing my clothes. My shirts mainly are too tight to wear comfortably..Even my tshirts. The only thing i’m left with is tank tops and I refuse to wear them with out a shirt or light jacket over it because they look so tacky imo.. Atleast on me they do.. I’m down to 1 pair of pants.. Oh the joys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exciting news.. At my next drs appt i’ll be able to set up my next ultrasound. I’ll be 18 weeks.. I’m going to see if i can set up my ultrasound for 20 weeks.. Cant wait.. I really wanna find out if its a girl or boy.. It doesnt really matter which it is.But I still want to know..KWIM! Thats all for now..Nothing real exciting yet! few more weeks before the exciting stuff really starts..

I got this from Paisley

She is alot less evil than me.. She is 20% evil.. I’m way more evil..

You Are 74% Evil

You are very evil. And you’re too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

My parents that is. They are fighting again! They are always fighting. Thats all theyve done for hte last 25 years! They were separated before the hurricane.. had been separated a year. The hurricane ruined my dads apartment so he moved back in with my mom.. They got along well for awhile. And now they are back at it again. They are like a bunch of kids only this time around. They do not mind taking digs at each other right infront of the family (meaning me and my kids and my sister and her family) Its gotten to the point of where they are trying to involve me and i’m not going for it.. I refuse to take sides. and now I dont even want to go over there. I’m so tired of listening to them rag on each other. HOW can 2 people stand to be around each other when it seems they hate each other so much.
They really seem to dislike each other to that breaking point. WHY Stay married? Why put yourself and your family through that?

I dont know what to do other than to avoid them. They are driving me crazy.. And then my dad tells me that me and my husband are just like them. Them being my mom and dad.. UM NO! my husband and I have ups and downs but I wont ever EVER turn out like them. I’ll get a divorce first!

I went in today for my monthly drs visit..

I gained 4 lbs… My mouth dropped.. I KNOW i’m suppose to gain weight whne pregnant.. Its normal. Right? But still.. I have had heck eating lately so sick non stop.. so I’m surprised I gained..

My dr wants me to gain 25 to 30 lbs!!! ive NEVER gained 25 to 30 lbs with my pregnancies.. NEVER.. Thats alot of weight when you arent skinny..

He also told me I have to drink more fluids and eat.. he said EAT EAT EAT!!!! I’m having heck eating.. He prescribed me something for the nausea so that I can eat.. He said it should be letting up anytime but i’m not holdin gmy breathe because with Diva.. I had morning sickness the ENTIRE pregnancy!

Good news is that my blood pressure is down.. 120/80 thats WAY Lower than it was on Jan 1st.. So i’m glad bout that..

other than that everything is grand.. I go back in 4 weeks..

This has been one of the best pregnancies ive had.. Even with the sickness.. Its mild compared to my last 3 pregnancies.. I feel pretty good.. Just sleepy.. What makes me the happiest.. is my nails look totally great! They are growing. Thsi is the longest they’ve ever been on their own and they are finally worth painting and filing.. Also.. My face isnt broken out bad like it was with my otheres.. I still break out occassionally but NOTHING like i did with them..

The constant tiredness is threatening to take over..

I’m finding with this pregnancy there are alot more “rules” than there were 4 years ago. There is alot more things that people are saying you shouldnt eat.. That I ate with my other 3 and have 3 perfectly fine kiddos.. They are things I have always eaten that have never caused me or my pregnancies a problem. So my friend who is ridding my ass over this is really starting to get to me.. My food choices are limited.. The sickness keeps them pretty limited..So when i can finally find something I can stomach..She tells me<”Oh no you cant have that” what do you mean I cant have that! It was always fine int he past and ive got 3 kiddos who are just fine..

With each of my other pregnancies (Yes i KNOW each pregnancy is different!) I liked food. I was always hungry.. This time.. I’m forcing myself to eat and its not a good feeling. I always feel full and when I force myself to eat I feel gross. The smell of food is still a very big problem.. The smell of people after they eat is an even bigger problem.. Food is simply NOT my friend.. You would think this would pass.. It should have passed by now.. IF this lasts then i’ve got a problem.. I need food right??????????

Yes me.. I’ve been working.. Of course not on something i’m going to be paid for.. But I created a new blog to track my pregnancy.. I just didnt want to do it here.. You can check it out at
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