Ivy Tied Up |

Mixed up ramblings of a bipolar mom to 4…

Welcome!

Tuesday Mar 14, 2006

To my blog where i’ll track my pregnancy.. I didn’t want to use my main blog for that.. Even if it has been extremely slow lately.. I know not everyone is interested in my pregnancy.. Hey some people just arent.. And i’m 100% okay with that.. So this is for those who are.. :)
First.. I’m due September 16. of course this being a scheduled c section.. The baby will be born much closer to the end of August beginning of September depending on how things go at the end. I had an ultrasound verifying due date on Feb 28th.. Everything looked good! The babies heart beat was 163..

My next doctors appt is on March 20th.. I’ll be 14 weeks..

The morning sickness hasnt been TOOOOOOOOO bad this time around.. Its been off and on.. Its mostly at night now but when I do have it.. It lasts into the next day.. It will stay for about 2 or 3 days just all day long and be really bad.. But then it goes away and i’m fine for a few days. The main issue.. Is just pure exhaustion.. Complete exhaustion… Seems i havent gotten off the couch in weeks.. BUT even though i’m exhausted.. My insomnia is really bad.. So tired but cant sleep.. But dont have the energy to move..

So when i get a sudden burst of energy.. i have to go with it and clean while I can..

The kids are excited but Sugar also doesnt understand. She keeps thinking the baby is going to pop out at any time.. hmm doesnt work that way kiddo!

Everyone has their opinions on what this kiddo is.. Boy vs girl..

My mom says girl.. Even though she wants a boy big time..She believes its a girl.. She was right with each of my kids.. .. But everyone else. They say its a boy.. so we’ll see!


Thursday 13….

Thursday Mar 9, 2006
Thirteen Things about Ivy’s Week

1…. Its been a LONG week. I’ve been running on zero sleep..
2… .I had bug in the emergancy room last saturday. He had a massive ear infection he wouldnt stop screaming with the pain. The er doctor took one look at his ear and gave him tylenol with codiene as i’d already tried to give him several doses of motrin and tylenol and he was still screaming.
3… .Most of this week has been really boring. I havent done much..
4… .I stayed up cleaning ALL night Tuesday night. I couldnt go to sleep. Just kept cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and when I got up thursday morning and my son had destroyed the living room in a matter of a few mintues I was beyond ticked off..
5… .The morning sickness is better.. It comes every once in a while now. But when it does hit.. Its a doozy.. It hit Tuesday night at 3:45 am and It lasted ALL day yesterday. I co uldnt stomach food until last night some time.
6… .Bug is feeling better but now Diva is sick.. Not so sick hse missed school. But she has a sore throat and a cough that is getting worse instead of better. So tom she wont be going to school. She’ll be going to the dr.. She wont be missing anything at school. Its nothing but a f un play day as they have spring break next week. I couldnt let her miss today as she has a spelling test..
7… .The ladies at Amazingly Woman(message board for women) Have a poll going on about if i’m having a girl or a boy.. boy seems to be the winner right now.. They are also g uessing on how big the baby will be since they cant guess on a due date.. Since it will be a c section (scheduled).. Some are guessing a big baby!! OYE!
8… .If its a boy.. I like the name Aiden.. Each of my family members have a sorted idea that they should get a say so in what I name my child.. LOL Good thing they arent the one having it..
9… .We had a really bad storm this am.. It came on hard.. And stayed and battered the crap otu of us for awhile and then left.. It lasted a few hours.. Was pretty scary. They were calling for strong damaging winds, 3 inches of rain in a few hours, hail, and possible tornadoes.. We had all of it but i think tornados.. But I kept thinking at any time one was going to blow right htrough my house.. This was the worst storm we’ve had in a long while (other than the hurricane).. SO glad its over!
10… .I did about 10 loads of laundry the other day.. Folded AND put them up!! WOW!!!!!! yes I put them up! I finally got the clothes off my chair in my living room that have been sitting there over a week.. See i’m a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE house keeper.. I HATE cleaning house and worst of all.. I HATE folding clothes and putting htem up..
11… .I even dusted!
12… .Dh brought a friend over yesterday that I had never met before. He seems nice.. Bug went to the river fishing with them and he refused to speak to the guy at all.. He was embarrassed.. He isnt so good around new people..
13… .Ultrasound picture! Its blurry and you certainly cant see much..
[img]http://www.venusspeaks.com/ivytiedup/photos/data/media/18/ultrasound_copy_2.jpg[/img]

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What I thought.. Why is it?

Sunday Mar 5, 2006

A week and half ago I was ready to make a post about a relationship I had finally laid to rest. And by relationship I don’t mean sexual or even romantic.. It was a strong friendship/spiritual/emmotional relationship. One I had held on to for a long time. Even with no contact between us for a while I still held on to it. I do not think i’m the only one that held on. I think they did too.. But after awhile our conversations became far and few between. You could say life took over and we both had too much going on. Yet I dont believe that is/was the case. I believe over time we were both pulling away. However no matter how hard we pulled we couldnt let go. Why? I still havent figured that out yet. We held on to each other like it was something we needed. Couldnt live with out. That connection was really strong. After 8 years we couldnt let go. We’d go months with out speaking. Trying to rid our minds of each other. The hold we had over each other. Trying our hardest to let go. Ignoring each other. We’d leave lil messages for the other every once in a while (every few months) to make ourselves feel better. We’d tell ourselves it was for the other.. But truthfully deep down we wondered if the other still thought about us and we also told ourselves we werent letting the other down as long as we’d say hello occassionally.

In the past we spoke daily. All day occassionally. Then several times a day. We helped each other out. There was a connection that no one else understood. We were just alike in how we thought, felt, ect. Over the last 3 1/2 years that relationship has faded. The connection still there.. Still rather strong. But the urge to run and pull away and go on with our lives very very strong. As the connection held us and sucked the air out of us choking us till we couldnt breathe. Such a strange phrase to describe a connection. But its true.. The connection was like a noose around our necks.

As we both pulled away relief started to take the place of regret. I found myself starting to breathe again. I stopped feeling obligated and the need to rely on this person. And to make myself available to this person. I started to forget about them. To slowly stop thinking about them. Wondering where they were, if they were okay, what they were doing. It slowly came to an end. And just when I was ready to let it go completely.. I sign on to the net and there it waits..

After 6 months.. 6 months of nothing. 6 months of forgetting. 6 months of stopping myself from caring, from wondering there it was..

HIDDEN FORP ROTECTION: meant to get on last week and wish ya a happy VD [Offline Message (Fri Feb 24 10:15:06 2006)]

And then it dawns on me.. I havent forgotten.. I can’t forget and I probably wont. And then it all came back again.. Why does it work that way?????????


Update update update..

Friday Mar 3, 2006

I failed to get Thursday 13 done today.. Just too much going on and way too sleepy!..

I had my ultrasound done on tuesday. Today (friday) I’m now officially 12 weeks.. I’m d ue mid September but we’ll have a baby at the beginning of September because it will be a planned c section (ACK!). I’m NOT looking forward to another c section.. You’d think after 3 i’d be a pro.. But nope.. This WILL be the last one..

I’ve been such a slacker lately.. My house looks like a tornado hit it.. Ive got to get some cleaning done today! Oh and speaking of tornado.. My best friend who is also pregnant.. She reminded me that we’ll be due in the middle of hurricane season.. OH WONDERFUL! I refuse to take part in another hurricane so you guys steer them all away. okay!

Diva joined in Gymnastics on Wed. When we first got there.. She saw all the people and told me,”I’m not doing this. Lets leave. Im not doing this” b ut then the coach was so wonderful! She walked up to her and spoke to her like she’d known her(Diva) forever. Told her to get her bum into the gym and lets get started. Diva warmed to her instantly! She did so well! I was so proud of her.. She doesnt look as strong as she really is! She had a blast and can’t wait to go next week! NOW sugar wants to do gymnastics too.. She is only 3! But she was more excited than Diva was.. They told me it would only be 25$ for Sugar because she is lil and we get a discount because of diva.. So next week Sugar may start gymnastics too!..

My babies are growing up..LOL..