And the award goes to…
Posted by ivy | Under Family Crap Tuesday Jun 13, 2006ME! For having the most difficult parents in the entire world. or atleast thats how it seems anyway. Since friday i’ve been dealing with family trouble again. And none other than my parents at that.. AGAIN!
This time i’m completely worn down.. I’m not sure how I feel at this point. Im so tired and exhausted from it I cant see which way is up. My mom left my dad again. My dad calls me friday morning stating he is going to my moms job and is going to kill himself. YES you read correctly.. KILL himself. Now I head up there.. Cops are there.. They wont do anything. They tell us to talk to a judge..
Nothing is working out. he calms down. He acts fine for 3 days!! 3 days.. He acts normal. Then tonight he calls me ranting and ravnig and screaming and crying. He was yelling at me. He said he needed help. I offered to go get him and get him help. He says nO!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE YOUR M OTHER DO IT! My mother is NOT going to go over there..
He then starts yelling stuff about my mom not telling me about their fight. That its weird. That its secretive and that its not normal for her to not talk ot me about it. I told him that she doesnt tell me about everything. That i’m their child and that they are my parents. I’ve also been sick and run down and havent had a voice for 3 days! He starts yelling that Im an adult. NOT a child.. I told him I am an adult but i am THEIR child.. Not to be brought into the middle of their arguements! He starts yelling that its all lies, all lies, all secrets, all secrets and lies and that i’m lying for her..
At this point he is making ZERO sense.. NONE.. He starts yelling and carrying on a conversation with himself at this point. only he is screaming at the top of his lungs.. YES IT IS YES IT IS.. I have no idea what he is talking about. Then he starts accusing me of this and that and saying i’m lying.. And then he starts telling me that i’m just like them. Just like them! That i can just call him when I need something and he is going to do me just like i’ve done him..
My question..HOW have I done him? I call all the time just to see how hei s doing.. I stop by his job to see if he’d like to go to lunch.. I offer him help. I’ve ALWAYS been there!!! ALWAYS..
BUT because i’m not willing to get into their relationship crap and the non stop rollercoaster that it is.. I’m now lying and bad and not involved and i dont care about him i just want something from him.. ..
How do you be there for someone who wants to hurt you? Who insults you and tries to make you feel bad and guilty when you are just trying ot help them? I’ve never turned my back on my family but now i dont know how not to. Ive got kids to raise and a family to take care of. I cant spend so much of my time and my energy dealing with something from someone who is an adult and refuses help.. And I cant force him to get help..
aww *hugs* i’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time with your parents!! my mom was suicidal last week and ended up in the psych ward at the hospital. it’s been really rough but she’s doign better so even though our situations are very different i can understand the stress that it causes. i hope things will start to work out for you very soon!!
I was having major issues with my mom,and just finally had to shut her out and now we only speak about once a month. It was hard to do, but I’m so much happier and calm nowadays. Just becuase you’re family, doesn’t give you the right to behave that way.
Oh My Dear…this breaks my heart…I sooo understand where you are coming from here….I am having a terrible time with my sister, to—right now…not as horrific as you…Oh My!..NO! But the point is…you cannot make any of it any different for them. FOR THEM. That your father needs something from you—like HE is the child and YOU are the adult…OY! But…My Dear…you must take care of you. And it truly doesn’t matter how THEY view this. You have a little life growing in you…protect that….protect that, with your life. Your parents will or will not struggle through this…you—-save you.
Gee, I hope this doesn’t sound too horribly harsh.
big HUGS to you…it is hard when they WANT you in the middle….when things like that happen, i tend to TRY to stay out of it because as you say you have YOUR family now and they are what is important, even if they are your parents….GOOD LUCK to you…
Ivy,
Now I feel guilty for my post about how NOT dysfunctional my family (me, my wife and our girls) is.
This may be harsh (to use the same term as “Old Lady of the Hills” does above) also, but your father (especially) needs professional help. He does not need you. He is USING you, and in a very real sense ABusing you (emotionally).
You ask at the end of your post, “How can you be there for someone who…” The answer is; you can’t, and you shouldn’t, and that’s NOT YOUR ROLE! My advice is to gently say, “I can’t talk now Dad.” and hang up. And don’t answer the phone when it rings immediately afterwards.
But don’t believe me, talk to a professional counselor yourself. You may be enabling or encouraging his behavoir without realizing it.
Good luck! My heart aches for you as well, but you have responsibilities to your husband and children that take precedence over the needs of your parents.
John