Ivy Tied Up |

When things will return to normal. I’m having a really hard time coping when it comes to my relationship with DH..
He keeps pushing me and pushing me and pushing me for more than I’m able to give lately.. I am on the verge of breaking down and totally shuting down emmotionally because I cant take it anymore.. Its been 4 weeks since Wyatt was born and i’m still no where near ready to be intimate.. I dont know how to be right now. What I need right now is some support and understanding but he isnt giving.. All I keep hearing from him is how hard he is working and how him working hard is all for me.. Its my fault..He deserves this and that because he works so hard..

If thats true.. Then what the hell about me????? What do I deserve? I’m the one who works 24/7 literally! I’m the one who is up at midnight, 3am, and 5 am for feedings then up at 6 to get him and the kids out the door.. then i’m the one who cleans and does laundry and fixes dinner while tending to a toddler and a newborn.. I’m the one who never sits down.. AND I’m the one who was tied down and cut open and am trying to still recover from the surgery!

I’m the one who still doesnt have control over her body.. I keep doing for everyone but me.. Tell me.. What the hell do I deserve if all he has to do is bring home a flipping paycheck at the end of the week and go to work for 10 hours a day?????????????????????????????????????? What the hell do I deserve since he can go out to his friends house every day after work and im at home fixing dinner and dealing with home work while trying to feed a newborn at the same time??????????

Tell me.. What do I deserve? I’m going through all this shit with my body.. I’m still recovering from surgery.. I still have pain and everything is leaking that can leak and my clothes dont fit.. Not even my pre pregnancy clothes because ive lost so much weight.. I look and feel like crap.. Im tired.. I cant just pick up and go visit people.. I cant take a shower when i like.. I have to grab a quick shower while everyone is asleep.. that might happen at 11pm or 3 am..

Why cant he just leave me alone? I cant deal right now.. i cant cope with the constant pressure of the house and the kids and him too… I know its been awhile and i’m sorry for that but I cant right now. i cant deal with it.. I need/want to be left alone..The more he pushes the further I go.. I want to be left alone.. I’ve tried to talk to him but then I get the line about how hard he works and what he deserves and what I wnat to tell him he deserves wont go over well.. If he keeps pushing.. things are going to get really bad really fast.. because I cant handle it.. He just needs to back off.. I’m going through so much and I dont expect him to understand but I expect him to back the hell up and give me a break! Get off my back and let me breathe.. Dont touch and dont b ug me.. BACK THE HELL UP!

Thats right! Wyatt is home! We brought him home On Sunday (the 10th.. Also dh’s birthday!).. Its been non stop since… I realize he hasnt been home that long but OMG IM TIRED!!! Monday diva’s school called and sent her home because she had a fever and an ear ache.. i had to find someone to go get her.. That someone ended up being hte dreaded inlaws! Then I had to get her to the drs office today she needed antibiotics for a throat infection and ear infection.. t hat was fun because im still recovering from surgery and getting use to having 3 kids and a newborn around.. Anyhow.. Wyatt is doing well! He is a bit spoiled.. The nurses in the NICU spoiled him.. The night nurse was the worst.. She sat around and held him once they had the IVs out of his belly..

Here are a few pictures…

Him still in the NICU
[IMG]http://i107.photobucket.com/albums/m295/room4four/IMG_2704.jpg[/IMG]

This was Sunday.. He was chilling..
[IMG]http://i107.photobucket.com/albums/m295/room4four/91006.jpg[/IMG]

And of the proud brother and sisters:
Diva and Wyatt
[IMG]http://i107.photobucket.com/albums/m295/room4four/4.jpg[/IMG]

Bug, Sugar, & Wyatt
[IMG]http://i107.photobucket.com/albums/m295/room4four/2.jpg[/IMG]

he is still in the NICU.. He is doing MUCH better though! He is off of oxygen and they have started feeding him. Saturday they should start giving him 100% instead of it being watered down.. I havent been able to go see him because i developed a fever and i have to be fever free for 24 hours.. I can go up on Saturday though because I havent ran fever today.. I get to hold him for hte first time as well!! I’m so excited! Hopefully he will be home sunday or monday! middle of next week at the latest!

Wyatt Avery was born on Friday (sept 1) at 8:49am..

Lil guy weighed 6lbs 11 oz and 19 inches long!
Thats it! I could have sworn he was gonna be 8lbs!

However all is not well.. I’m home.. came home today at noon.. He is in the NICU.. He will be there till friday or early next week.. He took in a bit of fluid and has fluid in his lungs and its causing him some difficulties.. I’ll give more updaet when I can..