i just dont know
Posted by ivy | Under Ivy Unleashed Saturday Sep 30, 2006When things will return to normal. I’m having a really hard time coping when it comes to my relationship with DH..
He keeps pushing me and pushing me and pushing me for more than I’m able to give lately.. I am on the verge of breaking down and totally shuting down emmotionally because I cant take it anymore.. Its been 4 weeks since Wyatt was born and i’m still no where near ready to be intimate.. I dont know how to be right now. What I need right now is some support and understanding but he isnt giving.. All I keep hearing from him is how hard he is working and how him working hard is all for me.. Its my fault..He deserves this and that because he works so hard..
If thats true.. Then what the hell about me????? What do I deserve? I’m the one who works 24/7 literally! I’m the one who is up at midnight, 3am, and 5 am for feedings then up at 6 to get him and the kids out the door.. then i’m the one who cleans and does laundry and fixes dinner while tending to a toddler and a newborn.. I’m the one who never sits down.. AND I’m the one who was tied down and cut open and am trying to still recover from the surgery!
I’m the one who still doesnt have control over her body.. I keep doing for everyone but me.. Tell me.. What the hell do I deserve if all he has to do is bring home a flipping paycheck at the end of the week and go to work for 10 hours a day?????????????????????????????????????? What the hell do I deserve since he can go out to his friends house every day after work and im at home fixing dinner and dealing with home work while trying to feed a newborn at the same time??????????
Tell me.. What do I deserve? I’m going through all this shit with my body.. I’m still recovering from surgery.. I still have pain and everything is leaking that can leak and my clothes dont fit.. Not even my pre pregnancy clothes because ive lost so much weight.. I look and feel like crap.. Im tired.. I cant just pick up and go visit people.. I cant take a shower when i like.. I have to grab a quick shower while everyone is asleep.. that might happen at 11pm or 3 am..
Why cant he just leave me alone? I cant deal right now.. i cant cope with the constant pressure of the house and the kids and him too… I know its been awhile and i’m sorry for that but I cant right now. i cant deal with it.. I need/want to be left alone..The more he pushes the further I go.. I want to be left alone.. I’ve tried to talk to him but then I get the line about how hard he works and what he deserves and what I wnat to tell him he deserves wont go over well.. If he keeps pushing.. things are going to get really bad really fast.. because I cant handle it.. He just needs to back off.. I’m going through so much and I dont expect him to understand but I expect him to back the hell up and give me a break! Get off my back and let me breathe.. Dont touch and dont b ug me.. BACK THE HELL UP!
hey ivy, i’m just getting around to catching up after a few weeks hiatus and i hope all is well. thinking of ya!!
Your issues sound pretty normal to me, given everything that you’ve gone through and are going through. Most women I know that have had kids have reacted the same way…it takes a while for things to get back to normal, and I hope your husband understands that and is patient for you.
Ok girl… been there. Nope he will not understand … but that goes both ways.
You will make it YOu will have control over your body once again… you will stop leaking from every part of your friggen body… you will sleep again… you will shower at a normal time again… you will like HIM again.
Just ride this wave. Things will get better… it just takes a lot of time (sorry to not sugar coat it)… and the sex, cuddling and whatever else will all come back… just not right now. But you know all this in the back of your mind.
You can do this and if it helps we can take pictures of Barbie hurting Ken till you feel better.
Hang in there good looking! Email me if ya ever need to chat…