Ivy Tied Up |

Mixed up ramblings of a bipolar mom to 4…

Ivy’s Holiday 13!

Posted by ivy | Under Thursday 13 Friday Dec 29, 2006
Thirteen Things about Ivy’s Holidays

1…. I’m extremely glad Christmas is over. I am beyond exhausted..
2…. I took my tree down on the 26th.. I was running out of room in this house!
3…. The 27th was Bug’s 6th birthday.. its hard havnig his bday so close to christmas!!
4…. Im tired of stepping on TINY little toy pieces. You can’t see them until you’ve stepped on them.
5…. Bug got MARBLES from a neighbor.. I’m ready to take those marbles back to the neighbor and well the and part isnt very nice!
6…. We spent Christmas Eve with my husbands family.. And Christmas Day with my family..
7…. Thankfully all went well and there wasnt any fighting.. Normally someone is always in a pissy mood..
8…. The kids had a good time.. All except Wyatt.. Too much stimulation and too many people has left him really fussy for a few days now!
9…. I finished my shopping the day before Christmas.. The stores were NOT pretty! People were rude.. I can’t stand that!!!..
10…. I have yet to understand why people run to the stores immediately when they open the day after christmas.. What is so important that you have to take back a gift you received RIGHT THEN?????????????? Was it that hideous of a gift?
11…. I plan on taking the kids to our hunting club for New Years Eve.. We will bbq and pop fire works.. My mum will keep Wyatt.. He is too little to go….
12…. I feel bad saying this. I really do.. But I can’t wait for the kids to go back to school.. However they have another week off! They haven’t stopped fighting.. And the tension in the house is building.. someone is going to lose it!.
13….I’m so glad Christmas music is FINISHED!!!! I can listen to the radio again!…

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. My 2 Cents
2. Lisa
3. Norma
4. Amy
5. leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


I lost a friend today…..

Posted by ivy | Under Ivy Unleashed Monday Dec 18, 2006

Now not because they passed away. But because I laid the friendship to rest. I buried the emotions and planted flowers on top. I prefer it that way. Leave it with flowers instead of thorny weeds. I’ve finally been able to come to terms with it and drop the friendship. It was an unhealthy relationship for me to be in. One that only bad things could come of. Emotional crap followed it everywhere. The chains that held us together needed to be cut and thrown out. They needed to be broken for good. Unable to be repaired. They needed to be buried 6 feet under so they could never surface again.

I’m now okay with this. I realize this is the only way to go on with my life and stop living in the past. To stop dwelling on what we had and what we can never have. To stop worrying about the crap that brings us down and threatens to drown us because we were unable to part. To walk away. We drained each other and at some point came to rely on each others misery.

Dont get me wrong. We shared a bond.. A very good bond.. Tight bond. One that was extremely hard to break. One that threatened to suck the very life out of us. We were so consumed with allowing each other to be miserable and feeding off of it i’m not sure we were really friends beyond that. We used each others misery as validation for our own.. it was okay because we were not alone. We didnt need to make our own way and make our lives better. We had each other to feed off of and know we’d never be alone.

Deep down we were always alone. We didnt have each other. We only allowed ourselves to know that we were miserable. We never went past that to form a real relationship that existed outside of our misery. Now you ask how we can have a bond if this is the case. Oh the bond was strong. The bond was one of mutual understanding. One where we believed we were infact the only ones that understood. The only ones who had the wicked sense of humor we have. The only ones who know how it felt to feel like we do.

I know now this isnt the case. I’m sure they do too.. I’ve thought of letting go of this person in the past. As i’ve relied on them too much for comfort. I’ve just never been able to do it before. This time I know i’m ready to move on. I have to. I can not continue to dwell on this persons misery or the misery they bring alive in me.

While this person is not dead.. This is the death of our friendship. We both know it.. And have ceased communication for awhile now. I know im okay this time. I saw this person yesterday and kept going. Was able to walk on by with out feeling a pang of anything. Thats a good feeling. It really is..


The headcold from hell 13

Posted by ivy | Under Thursday 13 Thursday Dec 14, 2006
Thirteen Things about The headcold from hell

1…. My head feels like its going to explode.
2…. Everything tends to echo over and over again in my ears..
3…. My nieces and nephews and 2 of my kids are going through it too.
4…. Blame the stupid weather!!! Going from highs of 40 to highs of 77 makes a big difference!
5…. The dayquil pills are HUGE. Big huge horse pills!
6…. My nose and eyes wont stop running.
7…. It hurts to open my eyes
8…. Did I mention the echoing in my ears? yeah.. It kinda triples when kids say MOMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
9…. My head feels like it could fall off my neck and roll down my arm..
10…. I ALWAYS catch a headcold this time of year.. NEVER fails!
11…. I hate taking meds..
12…. Ive got enough pressure in my head behind my forehead and nose and ears to stop a truck in its tracks.
13….I feel like i’ve been ran over.. I do not want to see daylight or talk on the phone or be messed with…

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Bubba
2…Susan
3…rashenbo
4…chickadee
5…Tink
6…Amy
7…(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Thursday 13..Its all jumbled up inside

Posted by ivy | Under Thursday 13 Thursday Dec 7, 2006
Thirteen Things about me and my depression…..

1…. I’m falling again.. Its been a few years since its hit me like this.. Its very odd too because things have been going great and everything is fine yet I can’t help how i’m feeling. I’m trying my best but I still feel it and its surreal because I can feel it and I know its happening yet I can’t make it go away.

2… I spent years trying to stop feeling things. To stop the hurt, anger, ect. Even if it meant not feeling happy. It was better than feeling the rest. I wanted to feel void of everything. Just to stop feeling. I managed to accomplish that with in my first 2 years of marriage.. I learned to be void of emmotion. To avoid feeling anything so that I didnt feel the hurt, pain, ect that I had felt through out my teenage years on into adulthood..

3…Then I spent a long time trying to feel anything. Trying to remember how to feel happiness, joy, love, and then the rest that went with it. I spent a long time trying to remember how to cry because with joy, love, ect. always comes pain, anger, frustration, sadness,fear,ect. After years of feeling nothing I started wanting to feel something. I got tired of faking it.

4…People would ask how you can feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Be void of all emmotion.. They said it was impossible.. It’s possible.. It really is.. But when you become empty.. Void of all emmotion.. It really is of ALL emmotion.. You can’t void out anger, fear, pain, sadness, ect and not void out happiness, joy, ect. They kinda run hand in hand.. You know what sadness is because you knew what happiness was.. make sense?

5…Right now I don’t know which is worse. Not feeling anything or feeling everything. I want middle ground but I dont know if I’ll find it. Either the walls I build up around myself are up or they are down. I havent managed to build them halfway yet.

6… I don’t think its the holiday’s making me feel like this. A good many people get down in the winter and around the holidays. I LOVE the winter.. I have more energy and feel so much better in the winter than I do in the 100 degree heat.

7… Why am I telling you guys all this? I don’t really know.

8… My husband has noticed. He said to me the other day,”Ivy, Your moods are getting bad again.” I ignored him and rolled my eyes.. I just had a baby 3 months ago. Things are still up in the air. I’ve had sick kids off and on for the last 2 months. I’ve had my hands full. I think alot of people would crack under the pressure eventually. I haven’t broken yet or fully cracked.. Its just a lil tiny fracture..

9… Some things have gotten better in our relationship right now. And as odd as this sounds.. It just proves i’m on the verge of cycling or cycling or whatever.

10… I don’t have the money to go back to the dr right now.. Or for meds right now. I called the dr I saw before.. They go by income and they cant see me till Jan 3rd.. oh boy!

11… I feel like crying and throwing up at the same time.. Its all part of this mess.. Only I can’t cry. Nothing comes out.. How messed up is that???????????

12… I think I need a vacation. A step away from reality.

13… I’m sure next week I’ll be fine. Thats kinda how it goes sometimes.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Brr baby brr!!!

Posted by ivy | Under Ivy Unleashed Tuesday Dec 5, 2006

Its colder in SE Texas than it should be!! We were at 25 when I took the kids to the bus stop this morning..

This is what I woke up to..

I cranked my car to let it heat up before I took the kiddos to the bus.. I let it heat up 15 minutes and still when i got out there my windshield was still ice! not frost.. ICE! Of course the car wasnt good and hot until I had taken the kids to the bus waited with them for 20 minutes an then when I turn down my road to come home it gets hot in the car.. Thats the way it goes huh????

I was totally LOVING the cold weather.. Yet our forecast for the next 10 days is FUNNY!!!!

74 degrees as a high on tuesday??????????? You’ve got to be kidding me!!!

Unreal.. Simply Unreal!

So the number one conversation starter of all time.. How’s your weather?