Ivy Tied Up |

Now not because they passed away. But because I laid the friendship to rest. I buried the emotions and planted flowers on top. I prefer it that way. Leave it with flowers instead of thorny weeds. I’ve finally been able to come to terms with it and drop the friendship. It was an unhealthy relationship for me to be in. One that only bad things could come of. Emotional crap followed it everywhere. The chains that held us together needed to be cut and thrown out. They needed to be broken for good. Unable to be repaired. They needed to be buried 6 feet under so they could never surface again.

I’m now okay with this. I realize this is the only way to go on with my life and stop living in the past. To stop dwelling on what we had and what we can never have. To stop worrying about the crap that brings us down and threatens to drown us because we were unable to part. To walk away. We drained each other and at some point came to rely on each others misery.

Dont get me wrong. We shared a bond.. A very good bond.. Tight bond. One that was extremely hard to break. One that threatened to suck the very life out of us. We were so consumed with allowing each other to be miserable and feeding off of it i’m not sure we were really friends beyond that. We used each others misery as validation for our own.. it was okay because we were not alone. We didnt need to make our own way and make our lives better. We had each other to feed off of and know we’d never be alone.

Deep down we were always alone. We didnt have each other. We only allowed ourselves to know that we were miserable. We never went past that to form a real relationship that existed outside of our misery. Now you ask how we can have a bond if this is the case. Oh the bond was strong. The bond was one of mutual understanding. One where we believed we were infact the only ones that understood. The only ones who had the wicked sense of humor we have. The only ones who know how it felt to feel like we do.

I know now this isnt the case. I’m sure they do too.. I’ve thought of letting go of this person in the past. As i’ve relied on them too much for comfort. I’ve just never been able to do it before. This time I know i’m ready to move on. I have to. I can not continue to dwell on this persons misery or the misery they bring alive in me.

While this person is not dead.. This is the death of our friendship. We both know it.. And have ceased communication for awhile now. I know im okay this time. I saw this person yesterday and kept going. Was able to walk on by with out feeling a pang of anything. Thats a good feeling. It really is..