Ivy Tied Up |

I’ve got this friend.. She is the most self absorbed person i’ve ever met.. Not only is she the most self absorbed person i’ve ever met but she is also the most high maintenance person i’ve ever met.. Also the most materialistic person i’ve ever met.. We’ve been friends for years.. Good friends.. We are complete opposites in pretty much every way.. Even though she is those things.. She doesn’t aggravate me nearly as much as other people with those same qualities.. I still love her dearly and she holds an important place in my life.. She is like a sister to me.. We are actually closer than my own sister and I have ever been.. Maybe thats why those qualities do not turn me off completely from her.. ..

Then.. Ive got this other friend.. Who gets me better than anyone else.. For the most part.. We are alot alike.. I think out of all of my friends.. we are the most alike.. yet still pretty different.. I wonder if that makes me the odd ball out? Anyhow.. She is so much more grounded than I am.. Most of the time she knows the right words, what to say and when to say them. Sometimes she keeps me grounded.. Has no problem telling me when im wrong. I believe she is the only one who actually tells me i’m wrong or that there are other ways to look at things.. Thats part of whats so great about her.. She knows many of my faults yet doesnt hold them against me.. She has been there for me through a few rough times and I think she’ll be there through many more.. She has her own faults. so she claims.. . But none that i’ve really seen.. .. She is really hard on herself. Expects alot of herself.. But I dont think thats really a fault as much as it is part of her character.. Its part of who she is..She like me.. has many things we want out of life.. But I think deep down.. we are scared kinda of how to obtain them.. Scared of failure maybe? Of running out of time? Age catching up with us?

Then I have this other friend.. She has the potential to have everything she wants.. She has the ability to have it all.. Yet does nothing but complain about the messes she’s made out of her own life.. She creates mess after mess after mess of her life then doesnt know what to do or how to get out of it.. She disappears from her friends lives for awhile.. Stops calling or coming around then when she is feeling needy cries out about how horrible her life is and how badly she feels about it.. For along time I was very close to her.. But after awhile of the constant on and off drama and how it was only about her all the time.. I stopped feeling badly for her .

Not really sure where i was going with this post.. Just thought I’d share a bit (a very small bit) about 2 very important people in my life and 1 who was very important in my life.. I’m sure i’ll remember my entire point of this post at a later date..
Ever do that? Start a post for some reason then totally forget what the whole thing was about?

Hubby went and had a MRI done on tuesday due to back pain that wont stop since the wreck and tremors he is having when he lays down at night to go to sleep.. he is keepin gme up and himself.. both of us are exhausted.. Well the MRI which we had to pay cash for.. Showed he has a bulging disc at L4 & L5 and that his dr can’t treat it.. They can send him to a surgeon or an Ortho dr but neither we can afford.. and neither have payment plans.. So basically its a live with it type deal.. And live on pain meds i guess.. who knows.. He is still working. Its our only source of income so thats a must.. Grr..

Does it ever hurt inside so bad you just wanna throw up? The overwhelming urge to just purge your body of the turmoil thats boiling inside? No clue what caused it so you can’t get rid of it?

No start or beginning so there is no end. Just this constant dragging need to make the insanity go away…….Constant boiling in my stomach that keeps building…

What do your readers really know about you? About you personally? How much do you really share?

Why do I ask?

It’s simple really.. I ask because when I finally decided to reveal I was/am bipolar.. I lost readers.. Now I say readers.. But I know for sure of one I lost.. so I really should say A reader.. Before I revealed I was/am bipolar He frequented a bit.. Then when my blog revealed that part about me.. He made a comment about,”you’re bipolar” and he hasn’t been by since.. now this has been a LONG time now.. He hasn’t been by since.. I still frequent his blog and read.. But he hasn’t been back by.. Now normally I wouldn’t fret about a reader who decides he or she no longer likes my blog.. After all.. it is MY blog and we aren’t all alike and we aren’t all going to like the same things. No big deal.. BUT this guy came around UNTIL he found out I was/am bipolar.. So yeah it really kinda bugs me.. It also kinda (KINDA) makes me hold back a little and keep some things inside.. However.. That is really stupid if you think about it.. very silly indeed.. After all.. It is MY blog.. If you don’t like me.. You simply don’t like me.. Not a big deal.. I wouldn’t fret over someone not liking me in real life..

But that is where my question stems from.. How much do you share? Are there things you keep mum about due to what your readers might think?

You walk in
Keys thrown on the counter
Dishes still waiting
You ask when’s dinner

Out you walk
With out a thought
No how’s our day been
You don’t live here anymore

Off to bed
With out a word
Feelings ignored
You don’t live here anymore

Careless compassion
Thoughtless action
Mindless reaction
You don’t live here anymore

Times gone by
Sometimes I still cry
Paycheck in hand
Is it Thursday again?