I feel like
Posted by ivy | Under Ivy Unleashed Friday Mar 9, 2007I’m going crazy. Like the stress of everything is swallowing me whole. My head constantly aches and my neck and shoulders are so tense it hurts to move. Its so bad that I feel like I’m really sick but i’m not.. Its the stress.. Hubby.. Since he got the spider bite in November.. Has been weird.. He is pretty much flipped out and now has psycho days and its driving me mad.. I do good to handle my moods and my sons moods and now I have to deal with him too? How on earth is this fair? Okay selfish rant aside.. I can’t handle it.. I really can’t.. I can deal with a lot of crap and everyone knows I have.. BUT I can not handle who he is now.. His rants about nothing. His constant forgetting things we’ve discussed. His lack of attention, caring, motivation, etc, etc, etc. He is now everything he was always against.. And I can not stand it. As a person. I DO NOT LIKE HIM anymore.. And its driving me mad.. It really is.. its making daily life pure hell.. Now do I blame the spider bite? I don’t know.. That is just when all this started happening. I don’t know how much more I can take.. He is whiney.. lacks attention.. Doesn’t care enough about anyone else to listen to anything.. He is very crabby all the time.. Emotional and everything he shouldn’t/hasn’t ever been until now..
I know this sounds horrible.. For better or worse and all that jazz.. Don’t go reading something into something I ha vent said.. I’m not talking about my marriage being over or me leaving or anything of that nature.. But really how much can I take? I don’t know.. I don’t know whats left.. i really don’t.. I’m starting to resent him. Every word he speaks.. I cringe.. Every little whine I want to rip my hair out and his too.. I deal with enough with 4 kids.. I can’t take his constant emotional mess and his constant needs.. He was never like this before.. After 8 years of him being all about him and independent.. I cant take his suddenly needing 100% of my time.. I CANT GIVE IT.. I don’t know how.. I don’t have 100% to give..
I have 4 kids who need me.. I have myself to take care of.. I take care of him too.. Always have.. BUT back then.. he had a brain and he used it.. He could think for himself and wasnt an emotional mess.. He didn’t drag me down into his underworld and his self torture.. He is making everyone around him miserable.. And I’m the number one target.. This self pity, emotional wreck, cant take whats going on in real life, crap has been going on for months now.. I’m literally at my end.. I don’t know which way is up..
I’m being dragged down till I cant breathe.. It hurts to move.. I don’t want to wake up in the morning and I don’t want to go to bed at night. I just want to get away from the constant drama that he is providing me with lately.. I need a break.. BUT I cant catch one. If something doesn’t change soon.. I’m going to lose it..
Oh, I know how you feel!
I have 5 kids to chase after and I constantly tell my hubby that I did not sign on for an adult baby. He is a wus when it comes to his mom and making decisions and it drives me batty (I too live next to my inlaws, I am in hell)
I don’t know if a spider bite can do it, but I lost a baby to a spider bite, so anything is possible. Have you tried hitting him over the head (just kidding). Or telling him how you feel? (I know that can be hard, I have a hard time with it). You need some good R&R, because if mom ain’t happy, no one is and maybe he needs to realize that.
Hange in there! Cyber hugs!
I’m am so thankful you blog & can get all this off your chest. I’ve heard about men being babies, but fortunately, Jim isn’t. But you are already being drained, he should bring you energy, or at least help.
Yeah, all those symptoms you described is definitely stress. And things that would help, like yoga, I am positive you can’t fit that in your schedule.
I wish I had a magical answer for you, but I don’t. Just do what you can & I hope you can take hot bubble baths.
I can feel your pain. I raised five and worked as a paralegal for a major corporation and didn’t have time for a sixth “child”. I told him I needed a partner to help shoulder the load…I didn’t have the emotional energy after dealing with his exwife and visitation rights for his two kids which we had custody of. Try telling him that your hands are full…you need his support and help. Maybe it will sink in that he’s an adult. Meanwhile, take deep breaths; try to get some time for yourself to relax a little.
Even 10 minutes can make a world of difference!
I”m so sorry that you’re having to go through all of this, Ivy. If things changed with the spider bite, has he received treatment for it? The first thing I thought about is if he’s in constant pain, most have had personality changes as a result.
Thanks..
Becky, He received treatment for it and its healed and all you can see is a scar where it was.. He doesnt hurt from the bite (but does still from the car wreck) It seems to be one thing after another lately with him.. One thing im trying to deal with.. Is the hwole car wreck episode.. I question how it happened.. I dont believe it happened like he said.. I think his lack of concentration had something to do with it!
I’m so sorry to hear about all this. Has he sought another opinion or seen a doctor for his personality change? Does he recognize that he’s different? It really does help to get away for a while….
I always say I have no idea how you do it all to begin with, Ivy!!! You amaze me. I know you’re not saying you’re going to leave him - everyone gets aggravated and annoyed after so much time together. Have you told him he’s acting differently? Maybe it can help him pinpoint (besides the spider bite) what it is..such as something stressful at work? HOPEFULLY he’s just going through a stage….you know MEN!!!
Tell him you’ll be glad to give him some attention if he changes the baby’s diaper and feeds him. 