Ivy Tied Up |

just went on and its like everything suddenly makes sense.. Things that havent made sense in a long time.. Things that havent ever made sense and others have made me feel bad about. There is a reason and its real.. I dont know whats scarier.. it all making sense or being in the dark telling myself its not real. How did I not know.. And What do I do next? I tried talking to someone about it before.. A “professional” she looked at me like I was stupid and told me I was wrong and sent me on my way.

on another note.. I cant sleep.. Okay I can sleep but not for long. like 3 hours tops. And only with lights ON.. I know thats a lil twisted and backwards right? So I havent slept in the same bed as dh in days and im keeping people up at night and not on purpose..

you know.. Most of the people i know.. They feel worse in the winter and better in the spring/summer.. me.. im ass backwards.. I’m like a vampire.. I hate the spring/summer.. I hide in my house and dont want to come out.. My cycles get worse.. And almost every major episode i’ve had.. has hit around april to June..

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“Consider This”
ANNA NALICK

I’ve tripped again and things are starting to get interesting
Don’t give me choices cause I can’t decide
My mind is soaked in words
I’ve come to terms with all my insecurities
And purity’s no friend of mine

And dreaming doesn’t do no good
Cause I don’t wanna lie
That I’m okay and I’m alright
I’d rather take it and forget it
Consider this a warning
Cause I’ll start another fight
And you’ll say its all alright
I’ll wait for the day when you find I’m too much for you, baby
So lay your hands over me
And feel what you only see
But don’t bother wasting your time if you’re trying to change me

You’re kinda cool but I know better than to break the rules
Of messin’ with a lesson that I’ll never learn
I’ll go from bad to worse and later back to better
But I’ll never better bridges that I’m bent to burn

And dreaming doesn’t do no good
Cause I don’t wanna lie
That I’m okay and I’m alright
I’d rather take it and forget it
Consider this a warning
Cause I’ll start another fight
And you’ll say its all alright
I’ll wait for the day when you find I’m too much for you, baby
So lay your hands over me
And feel what you only see
But don’t bother wasting your time if you’re trying to change me

This is a warning
This is a warning
This is a warning

And dreaming doesn’t do no good
Cause I don’t wanna lie
That I’m okay and I’m alright
I’d rather take it and forget it
Consider this a warning
Cause I’ll start another fight
And you’ll say its all alright
I’ll wait for the day when you find I’m too much for you, baby
So lay your hands over me
And feel what you only see
But don’t bother wasting your time if you’re trying to change me
If you’re trying to change me
If you’re trying to change me