Ivy Tied Up |

There are all kinds of things I remember about my child hood and teen years.. Some good some bad.. They kinda come hand in hand.. There is a hell of alot I dont remember but my mind has been stuck lately on what I do remember.. Must be the lack of sleep for days upon days upon days.. So here is a list of some of the things I remember.. Good and bad.. These are things I remember WELL..

1. I remember running from my uncle who had molested me and my sister for a long time. I wanted to ride the go kart but he wouldn’t let us unless he rode us on it. I didnt want to ride with him. So I took off running to get away from him. He wouldnt leave me alone and chased me. I ran up a wood pile thinking he would leave me alone. Instead he started pulling pieces of wood out front under me and I fell. When I fell he caught me and saved me from breaking my neck on the truck bumper that was there. Instead I broke my elbow. It required surgery to put a pin in it. Then I had to have surgery again to remove the pin.. I was five..All because I wanted to get away from him. I remember the pain and the blood . I remember the smell that day and where the cars were sitting in the drive way. The dirt from the go kart in the air and clinging to my face and I remember my mom and grandmother driving me to the hospital and I remember getting into trouble for climbing the wood pile. I remember they couldnt get ahold of my dad and I remember my grandmother calling my father names because they couldnt reach him and I remember my mom fighting and getting upset with my dad because he was asleep and didnt answer the phone. I remember the cast itching like hell and I remember having my kindergarten pictures taken and the cast being in it..

2. I remember getting the flu when I was in first grade. I remember being really sick. I was sitting on the couch and my mom walked up to me and asked me if i wanted to go to the hospital and i said yes.. I remember them putting me in an ice bath to get my fever down and me crying because it hurt so bad. I remember my grandmother bought me an ivy and a new night gown. I remember they had trouble getting the night gown on because of my IV.. I remember the pot the ivy was in. It was cream and blue. My mom still has it..

3. I remember being 7 and my mom and dad sitting us down and telling us they were going to get a divorce. That it wasnt us. My mom was washing dishes. she had a disgusted look on her face.. One that said she hated my dad. I remember hating both of them. My dad did all the talking.. Telling us it wasnt our fault. They just couldnt get along that they loved us.. I remember waiting on my dad to move.. I dont remember if he ever did but they didnt divorce.

4.I remember the way my mom permed my hair when we were little.. I hated it.. She thought it was great..The curls were so hard to brush.. we looked horrible.. lol

5. I remember going shopping with my mom when we were kids.. She’d swear we were just going to run to the store for a little while to pick up a “few things”.. Her few things lasted HOURS. We’d be begging to go home.

6. I remember going camping with my dad and someone else.. I cant remember who the other guy was that went.. But I remember the camp ground and the other kids and swimming off the pier.. I remember a HUGE snake that swam around all of us when we were swimming and I remember screaming SNAKE.. It freaked me out so bad I had trouble going back into the water.. But I did because there was a boy there I liked..LOL I remember eating frog legs for the first time during that camping trip.. We camped in a tent.. It was a blast..

7. I remember going to the Davis mountains in west Texas with my dad.. We met my grandparents there.. The trip was amazing. We passed so many towns that were stopped in time.. We drove for hours and saw NOTHING but tumble weed.. (literally) I remember rolling down the windows and you could “smell” the heat.. And the sand would sting your face as you were driving down the road.. So we couldnt ride with the windows down.. I remember how cold the nights were and how hot the days were.. I remember my dad telling me about the animals out there. And how when we got to the top of one of the walk ways you could see forever.. It was beautiful!

8. I remember junior high and my friends.. And how things were pretty good but I hurt so bad inside i threw up alot to try to stop the pain. I remember feeling so sick all the time. I remember pretending everything was fine and skipping classes and I remember a teacher who made a comment about me ruling the classroom and to let him know when he could start class. I remember hyperventilating so badly that I my body started going numb and locking up and I was rushed to the Dr. They found i was having panic attacks and couldnt say why. It happened alot after that.

9. I remember picking up my first drink to get drunk and kill the pain.. I remember how it numbed everything. I remember how I had another one after that.. and then another.. And i remember being blitzed out of my mind one night and dancing in a parking lot. I dont remember who all was there or why i was dancing but I remember dancing..

10. I remember the day my brother was born. I was sixteen.. I remember being woken up and being asked to clean the mess up in the hall way they were going ot the hospital. I remember being a nervous wreck waiting on my grandmother to get to the house and get me and my sister. I remember going to the hospital and hearing my mom scream. I remember being let into the room for a few minutes and they had her bent over a table trying to give her an epi.. I remember her crying.. I hadnt seen her cry very many times. I remember crying with her.. I remember when my dad walked out and told us they were going to take her in for surgery.. I remember him coming out when he was born. I remember going home and baking her a cake for when they came home from the hospital. I remember the oven was broken and the cake wouldnt cook so we went to my friends house and cooked it.. OMG the cake was the most hideous thing i had ever seen but they ate it! I remember holding him and him smiling.

11. I remember my brother. I remember his smiles.. How he said my name.. His smell.. His outfits.. I remember his games.. I remember the day he died.. He was 3. I remember what i was doing.. What I was wearing. I remember what it looked like outside. I remember the weather, the sky, the smell at the hospital. The look on the peoples faces.. The nurse. I remember the day they told me that he was gone… They turned off the machines. I remember how I felt. I remember what people said tome.. the look on their face as I stepped off the elevator before they ever told me.. I remember the looks.. I’ll never forget their looks.. I remember hating them all. I dont remember the funeral. I remember the cars.. The long long long long line of cars.. I remember the motorcycle cops that were my dads friends. I remember walking away from the cemetery to my dads house (which is down the road from the cemetery) but i dont remember being AT the cemetery. I remember walking into the house and a lil boy running up the hall giggling and I remember falling apart and having to leave. I remember people telling me they were sorry and patting me on the knee. I remember people who hadn’t come around in 20 years being there wanting US to feel bad for THEM .. My moms bio dad.. He was sorry he lost something.. I remember being angry at him he had no right to be there.. He didnt lose anything. You can’t lose something you never had..

12. I remember the day my niece was born. It was the last day of school for that year.. I had to work.. My sister had a drs appt.. She wasnt due.. But she went in and her blood pressure was very high and the dr decided that she was going to take my niece because she was going out of town that weekend and my sisters bp had been elevated.. So they hauled her in for her c section. My nieces dad barely made it and I was stuck at work.. I remember the phone call that they had to do an emergency c section and that they’d let me know. I remember pacing the floor at work waiting for another phone call. I remember getting off work and rushing to get up there but they wouldnt let me see her as visiting hours had JUST ENDED.. God I remember that feeling! I saw her the next day.. She was so beautiful!

13. I remember going to the monster truck show (yeah i know..LOL) I dont know how old i was.. but I remember going with my mom, her friend and this guy.. I knew something wasnt right with this guy.. He was too friendly and tried too hard to get my sister and I to like him. I remember him trying to get me to sit on his lap and I told him NO! Turns out.. He was dating my mom.. I remember him well. I remember he sent her flowers. I remember the truck turning down my road and going to my house.. I remember running home to see who sent her flowers. I remember her lying and saying they were from her friend.. They were from the guy.. I knew it , my sister knew it, my dad knew it.. Everyone knew it but we pretended anyway.Yet i’ve never forgotten the fight they had or the look of the flowers.. .

There is alot more I remember.. but that’s for another list at another time..

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Susan Helene Gottfried
2. Danielle/
3. Naeva
4. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)