Ivy Tied Up |

How many times have you woke up and thought,”hmm.. SLEEP!!! when will I fall?” Who knows how many of us have thought about it 10x a day if not more.. Waiting.. And waiting. And waiting.. And waiting some more.. I got a really good buzz going Saturday night.. Felt good to get a buzz after many years with out one (yes I said years).. At least many years of it being something else that caused the buzz other than mania.. Woo hoo.. felt good.. Felt damn good.. and yeah I dont brag about things like that often.. So dont mistake this for a brag.. It just felt good to have a night with out kids that I could actually get sloshed and not worry about the consequences of my actions since I wasnt putting anyone or myself in any danger and I know when to stop..
I had a really good time..

I told my husband things i havent told him ever about what i went through since January.. I asked him if it bothered him or worried him.. He said yes and kinda sat there.. so I dont know if it was worth it or if I’ll ever mention it again.. If anything.. maybe next time he’ll notice..

Lately.. I’ve been craving things I havent craved in years.. And I do mean years.. Yeah I crave a smoke all day long.. Every single day.. but I’m talking worse than before.. I crave a drink.. I crave a smoke.. I crave a joint like mad.. I havent done that shit since I was a teen.. And I crave less and less food.. What the hell is going on? maybe its a mid- mid life crisis.. my dad seemed to go through one..LOL okay he seemed to go through several..

I changed my hair again.. Its now black and a chest nut brownish reddish color for chunks.. or maybe its the brownish reddish color with black for chunks.. who really knows but its both of those colors.. probably a few more mixed in where some of the dye didn’t do what it should have.. that always happens but that’s okay it doesn’t look bad and I’ll live..

my house almost burned down yesterday.. Had I not been home it probably would have.. See.. the a/c was frozen up.. and i turned off the a/c part and just left the blower going to defrost it.. and it started thawing really fast..faster than it was draining and the water started going everywhere and water got into the electrical crap and caused it to short circuit and sparks went everywhere.. and the breaker part on the furnace caught fire and something on the blower started shooting sparks.. it was so fucking scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! luckily i heard the sparks when they started and got up to see what it was.. i had to throw the breaker to the entire house to find the other breakers to the furnace to shut all that off so my house didn’t burn down.. While ALL This was going on.. Hubby comes in being carried by his dad and step brother.. He had fallen in the hunting club and had to call them to go get him.. He says,”I think i broke my leg” and I said,”my house is going to burn down get out of my way. I cant find the freaking breaker to it” well he sits down and acts like I’m nuts.. because he obviously was not there to see the fire shooting out of the furnace breaker box! After I get the entire thing shut down and he smells smoke he starts believing me.. So we are once again with out air until they get this fixed.. That should be on Tuesday or wed depending on if they can find the parts locally.. I hope so!!!!!!!! I’ll still be scared to go to sleep.. scared that the damn thing will catch fire again! but the part that caused the fire was the furnace part and they do not intend to hook that back up right now.. just the blower part.. ahh its all too much.. Okay so we get that all taken care of or atleast the fire stopped and figured out.. And its time to deal with hubby’s leg.. Dh says,”seriously i think its broken” i said,”where do you want to go” he said no where.. so we waited till today.. he went to work.. couldn’t wear his work boot (remember he is a welder!) so he couldn’t do much. they were not happy. He went to the Dr today.. xray says its not broken.. thank goodness! they said its just a bad sprain and that if its still swollen and hurting real bad in 2 weeks it could have a hairline fracture.. Really nothing they can do about that.. and sent him home.. so all in all. UGH.. he is going to work though the dr told him to take aleve for pain..lol.. for him that’s like taking candy..

They say things happen in 3s.. im waiting.. still waiting.. still waiting.. I know I shouldnt be like that but come on!!!!!!!!!!

on another note.. I absolutely LOVE tom petty.. I’m just so totally wrapped up in his music right now.. Which probably just enhances my “want” for a joint..I havent had one since I had my oldest.. I stopped all that shit in my teens.. Can I go back to 17 again????? Please.. I just thought it was complicated back then.. Really it was the easiest time of my life.. I just want to be care free again.. just for a lil while.. I dont want to give a fuck or have to worry about everything.. just for a short period of time..

I havent told you guys about my fight with dh last Sunday.. it wasnt pretty.. thats for another time though!

OH!!!!!!!! and is there some messed up pen conspiracy I don’t know about? I swear.. I buy pack after pack of pens.. And not the packs with 3 or 4 in them.. NO the BIG packs.. You know for offices.. Yet i can NEVER find a pen when I need one.. NOT ONE..

ANd its hotter than hell in here.. yes.. than hell.. How do I know.. I just do okay! Its hotter than fucking hell in this house with out the AC.. And guess what.. its hotter at night than during the fucking day.. xplain that one please.. I think i’ll go jump off that bridge now!