What is it?
Posted by ivy | Under Midnight Rants Monday Apr 30, 2007with me? Why do so many people who BARELY know me put me in the middle of their problems? This lady.. who’s kids ride the bus with my kids.. Her husband called me tonight. Just wanted to let me know whats going on.. Apparently she is drinking again.. She fell off the wagon.. She was going to AA meetings and on meds for the withdrawls.. Her family was falling apart.. Well I knew she was drinking again.. I’ve seen her erratic behavior get worse.. Her lying to her family telling them that she is at my house when she is out drinking at 9am!!!!!!!! Well apparently she dropped her kids off at her SONS biological fathers house.. Dropped both kids.. One isnt even his! Its her husbands.. She dropped both kids off there friday and left.. No one heard from her until Sunday. She called her husband wanting her sons bio father’s number.. She didnt even have it.. She called her sons bio father and told him to RUN with both her kids.. He called her husband and said whats going on? Her husband went and got his daughter.. Had to call the cops and threatened to press kidnapping charges if they didnt hand her over.. The son is so freaked out.. He wants to go home.. But the husband cant do anything about it becuase he isnt his biological father.. He told him he is working on it and that he loves him.. She called him (the husband) tonight and asked him if he still loved her.. Of course he loves her but he is filing for a divorce (going ot find a lawyer) on monday and seeking custody of his daughter.. He was pouring it out for me.. I could tell he was hurting and I feel for him.. But why me? Apparently I’m the only friend she has.. And i’m the only one who isnt a raging alcoholic.. The problems go much deeper.. he told me things HE is ashamed of that she has done.. And he said he forgives her but will never forget.. He said he doesnt want ot be with out her but doesnt know any other way to help her.. But to leave her since he’s paid for rehab and everything else and hse will NOT stick with it.. She is 23.. And has her whole life ahead of her.. a 7 year old and a 4 year old and will NOT straighten her ass up.. He doesnt know what else to do.. I dont knwo what to tell him.. I dont know why he came to me.. She isnt going to call me.. Because i’ll tell her how it is.. I wont lie to her..
My dh says I dont need the stress.. Walk AWAY from the situation.. But I didnt even walk INTO the situation.. He says,”DONT TAKE THIS ON!” and he is right.. I can’t afford the stress.. I’ll buckle and end up cycling again and it will be worse than last time.. I already told her husband I wont be in the middle of this.. He asked me if he needed me to go to court for him and testify as to her actions would i.. Because i’m the only one around here other than HIS family that has seen her in action first hand.. Part of me says in a heart beat because its whats best for that child!!! part of me says no way im not getting in the middle of it!
I dont know!!!!!! I’m hoping they dont need me at all.. What do I have tos ay really other than yes.. She is a raving alcoholic.. Has driven around with her daughter drunk! Has purchased beer at 8 am and proceeded to drink it. Has called me many times ot pick up her kids because she couldnt do it.. My Dh is not going to like it if i get involved.. I dont want to be involved.. Why do so many people come to me for this shit???????????????
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Here from Michele’s tonight…What a mess…! I feel for you being i nthe middle of this…And truthfully, I’m not sure what I would do either…So, for your sake I hope he doesn’t need you to testify, too….
You must be avery sympathetic person and he obviously needed to talk and get out all this stuff to a person who knows his wife and has a sympathetic ear, too….OY!
I hate drama. I would take your husband’s advice. You must take care of you. If she is in rehab, it is obvious that she has had a problem. You couldn’t testify any better than that. So IMO, he already has enough evidence and doesn’t need to interfere in your life.
That is heavy karma she’s creating, Ivy. I know you’ve had enough difficulties so you know where this friend is at, and can fully understand how horrible it is for her husband and the kids. There’s just no easy decision here. Good luck!
The thought that your friend is at that stage at the tender age of 23 just boggles my mind, Ivy. God help her.
Ivy - ANOTHER codependent thing for you to take on - just what you did NOT need! But…I suppose the *right* thing to say is God puts people in our lives for different reasons. I would stay out of this completely except…the kids. She doesn’t need custody - any custody, at least now. Testifying against her is probably the right thing to do. I am amazed at her actions, and I’d be furious if someone did things like that and lied, saying they were with me. I guess that’s why he called you - she involved you from the beginning? Stay AWAY from HER…you do not need that drama, you cannot change her, she’s already been to rehab, and she’s got to hit rock bottom and realize for herself what she needs. Having caring, understanding people in her life may not be the best thing for her right now. But you and I? As Bipolars? GOD YES! THE MORE THE BETTER! But there’s a difference. We’re working very hard to get better. Your pseudo friend? She’s out of control and doesn’t even see it. The only way she will is if everyone backs off. Just my opinion. My mother is/was a drug addict for many years - may still be - a codependent one who was supported by her family financially, and druggie friends emotionally. It’s what kept her from stopping.
that is crazy. I had a drinking problem but I haven’t had a drink in 7 months. My b/f goes to AA because his drinking was out of control. But he realized that he had something good and found the strength to better himself. I have also. I don’t go to AA, but I don’t fight the urge to drink either. I just don’t go around it. There are people I don’t talk to anymore because they are drinkers and they have HELLA drama.
I also have a cousin who is my age (30) and she had her oldest at the age of 17. My cousin doesn’t have ANY of her kids living with her. Shes a dope fiend from what I hear.
Anyway I think this happens a lot with women who had kids at young ages. I mean I am not putting all young mothers into this category, but it does seem to be a problem as young mothers get older.