2 Minutes I could take back..
Posted by ivy | Under Ivy Unleashed Monday May 14, 2007I posed the question
If you could go back in your life and relive just 2 minutes of it.. What part would you go back to and would you do anything differently? Remember.. those 2 minutes.. Can change your entire future..
And promised my answer later..
I’ve thought and thought about this answer.. My first instinct was to say the 1 minute and 58 seconds I stood before the JP considering if I was going to say “I do” or not and then of course the 2 seconds I spent saying “yes” instead of ” I do” because I couldnt make the words come out. At first I thought that would be my answer. Simple enough. I’d take that time back and i’d have run as fast as I could in the other direction right? WRONG! Considering that those 2 minutes would change my entire future.. I couldnt take them back
. I wouldnt have Bug, Sugar, or Wyatt.. My kids are my life and with out them.. I simply wouldnt be ME! I can remember my life before them. However I can’t picture my life with out them!
So then I thought harder.
And harder..
Maybe i’d go back and relive the 2 minutes I spent getting to know one of my ex’s and now wish i’d have never bothered.. This seemed like an even better 2 minutes to take back. Because then I wouldn’t have gone through the pain and bitterness and grieving of innocence lost.. Yeah! That sounded like a good one.. BUT then I wouldn’t be today who I am.. I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. I wouldn’t be able to relate to the people I relate to. I wouldn’t be able to stand up and say NO! NEVER AGAIN! Of course I dont know that for a fact but I dont know that I could either.. So those 2 minutes.. They would have changed at least 5 years of my life.. And I’m not sure I would want those 5 years changed.
But then.. I thought harder.. And harder.
I thought about the day my brother died.. When he asked me if he could stay the night that night and I said no becuase I was having labor pains and we were staying at dh’s aunts house due to moving. I thought i’d go back and relive that and let him stay. Then I thought maybe i’d have taken back the 2 minutes I spent complaining to my mom about labor pains when my brother was outside drowning later that day. Those are the only 2 minutes I can see that I’d really truly want to take back. Because those 2 minutes have a life time of consequence that we all have to live with. Everything happens for a reason right? What if I took those 2 minutes back! What if she wasnt on the phone with me but was outside with my brother! Those 2 minutes could change ALL our lives! I’d give just about anything to have him back.
You know its a really weird thing. Every time i’ve had a child.. Someone in my family or my husbands family has died. I’m not kidding..
Before Diva was born.. I lost my great grandfather (on the day I found out I was having a girl!) and my brother (3 weeks before she was born)..
Before Bug was born we lost DH’s mom and grandfather.
Before sugar was born we lost dh’s other grandfather, his great uncle, and after she was born we lost my grandfather.
Directly before Wyatt was born ( days before) we lost my other grandfather. He died of a heart attack in the middle of the night..
People joke that I should have stopped at one child.. (yeah that makes me feel better)
SO in a nutshell there is my answer.. Its not much of one but after thinking and thinking my original answer wasnt my answer because it just didnt work..
The two minutes you should take back are those in which you regretted your decision and blamed yourself. All things happen in their own time and, whether we believe it or not, life is unfolding just as it was intended to when it comes to other people…We only have control of our own behavior and so enjoy those children you have and give them every extra two minutes you get. You’re a good and strong woman …..stay loving.
While those types of questions are thought-provoking on some level, I think they’re more destructive than positive. We all make the best decisions we can based on the information we have in the moment. And everything beyond that is chance. And that’s life. For everyone. Including yourself and your brother.
I think as long as we always do what we feel is best in any given situation, then we’ve done all we could ever do. Accepting that chance and coincidence are a big part of everything that happens is difficult because it means accepting we don’t always have control– and we are comfortable thinking we do have control. The only lesson to be learned from what happened, IMHO, is to enjoy every moment you have with someone because you never know when that person may no longer be around.
hi. interesting post. how painful. i could not begin to think about taking back two minutes. i guess the point is i have two minutes right now that i can make use of. what will i do with them. probably sit and stare into space. all those minutes spent depressed or manic or mixed state or whatever, i like to believe they are worth something in the bigger picture…
Those would be the two minutes.
Hope our doing well, Ivy.
Maybe there’s a certain wholeness to all that. I believe that we make many trips around this little merry-go-round we call life; what if there’s a need for those souls to stay with you, so the universe is keeping them with you in the most direct method possible?
I’m so sorry to read that you have all of these regrets, all of which would be difficult for anyone on their own merit and I can’t imagine having to deal with all of them by such a young age.