Ivy Tied Up |

My sister. Now here I give you permission to tell me i’m a selfish twit. That I have no right to feel the way I do. That would really make me feel better.. Honestly.. Tell me that I should keep my trap shut and buck up and stop being such a selfish brat that her child just was diagnosed with cancer. Thats hard on a parent! No parent should have to go through that..

I totally believe no parent should ever have to go through that. No parent should have that burden and no child should ever have to be so sick.

Now why am I upset. Other than the obvious that my nephew has cancer and has to go through Chemo..

Lets see..

1. Wed.. When I found out something was wrong with my nephew and that it might be cancer. I found out from my mom. Thats fine.. huh.. Well later I find out that all my sisters friends knew before I did. They all knew that there was even a potential problem and that they were going to houston to have tests run and see the drs there.. I didnt even know he had a lump! I live 15 minutes from my sister.. I didnt know.. Her friends in Dallas knew.. Her friends at work knew..

Okay I got over that.. For the most part..

2. Friday I find out on MYSPACE that the cancer hasnt spread.. She didnt even call me. She made a myspace bulletin and thats how I found out.. She couldnt take 2 freaking minutes to include me and say,Hey the cancer hasnt spread. Instead i’m lumped in with all the people she might talk to once a year.. YET she damn sure called her friends..

Pardon me.. But I thought family was important.. I thought it was the backbone. I thought it was supposed to come first.. Anytime anything important has ever gone on with my kids her and my mother are the first to know. They are the first ones on my call list. So how is it that I mean so little to her that i’m the LAST to know everything with her? It doesnt matter what it is.. I’m always last. ALWAYS.. I understand she just found otu her son has cancer.. And thats a very traumatic thing. But I know if it was my child.. I’d be going to my family first..

The history with her just makes it worse. When is it okay to cut someone out of your life who hurts you time and time again? Who always puts you last no matter how important or trivial it is? I was put last when she got married too.. I was given garbage detail while everyone was taking family pictures.. Did I mention.. Her wedding pictures.. Her friends are in them.. My family is in them.. Her husbands family is in them.. Who is missing? Me! I was sent to do trivial chores while she enjoyed her friends. While her friends became her family.. I’ve been there her ENTIRE life.. I’ve picked up her pieces over and over again. YET people she has known less than 10 years were put way above me.. I was reduced to the hired help.. Only I wasn’t paid!

I’m tired of being hurt.. Over and over again by her..In order to stop that and be happy. I’ve got to change who or what she is to me.. I can not control her. But I can control the effect she has on me. Right?

Doctors appt is Thursday.. I’ve gone over it in my head a thousand times..