Ivy Tied Up |

Until school starts.. Not bad.. We’ve made it 2 months.. I can last another right?

Anyhow.. I’m sad kinda I think.. I know.. Its horrible not to know exactly how you feel.. Speaking of which.. Im so tired of not knowing how I feel. I’m either numb or feeling way too much wether it be sadness, grief, anxiety, happy, etc. There is no inbetween.. And i’m so tired of that.. I’m tired of not knowing how I feel. I’ve gone so long being this way that I dont know how I truly feel anymore.

That said.. I went back to the pdoc last week. He decided that my break down with the party meant the meds were not working plus I was stable one day but not the next and he put me on geodon.. my first experience with that was truly horrible.. I havent taken it since.. I need to call him later today and see what he wants me to do.. yes Its taken me this long to say ,”hey i need to deal with that.. instead of being off meds”
I’ve been unstable. I dont know if its going from taking meds every day for a month to not taking them but i’ve been pretty much all over the place lately.. who knows..

update ont eh kids..
I’m sad.. Wyatt turned 11 months yesterday.. That means in less than a month.. He will turn a year old.. Now why am I sad? He is my last baby.. I don’t want another. HOWEVER i’m going to miss the baby stage.. I’m going ot miss having a baby to cuddle.. That smell.. them needing you.. unconditional love, etc.. Im going to miss all the firsts.. I dont want another.. This much I know.. But Im not ready to give up him being a baby yet.. He went to the dr yesterday and he weighs a whopping 18lbs and 12 oz.. Since he had tubes put in hise ars.. he has gained a 1lb and a half.. They are thrilled.. Suddenly he is putting on weight.. His surgery went well.. He is more vocal and opinionated now.. he screams just to hear himself.. boy oh boy this age is fun!..

Sugar starts preK this year.. Another milestone that saddens me.. she is MY baby.. I’m not ready for her to be in school yet!

My nephew is doing well. He had a bad time 2 weeks ago where his blood count dropped to 70 and was put in the hospital.. but he is doing well now.. he has chemo on friday..

My other 2 kiddos are doing nothing more than driving me insane with their constant fighting..
blech!