warning: this is a grim topic:
I read an article on sparkpeople.com about how doctors often fail to spot suicidal patients. Here is what part of the article says:
Pointing to a disconnect between doctors and some of their neediest patients, a new study suggests that large numbers of physicians fail to spot symptoms that raise suicide risk.
U.S. researchers recruited actresses to act as patients and visit physicians while showing signs of depression or a similar disorder.
Only 36 percent of the doctors asked the “patients” about suicidal thoughts, the team found.
“There is often a window of opportunity for doctors to screen for suicidality and intervene appropriately, but, as we found, they frequently miss this opportunity,” said study lead author Dr. Mitchell Feldman, professor of medicine at the University of California at San Francisco.
To read the entire article:
Go to article
While I do not vouch for their studies or finds it does raise an interesting question. How many drs have no idea what to look for? How many lives could have been saved seeing as how “75 percent of people who commit suicide visited a primary-care provider in the 30 days before killing themselves”?
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I try not to make my blog all about my kids.. I like to think there is more to me than just my kids though sometimes I wonder.. But I’ve got to tell you. I am to the point of where I don’t know how I keep going..
I don’t know if its the “bipolar” or if its just normal. I no longer know what normal is. I don’t know if this is how every mom feels because I keep myself “away from the pack” alot. I don’t know how much is just normal feelings and how much is lack of stability. But I have to firmly believe that anyone who has 4 kids would feel as I do. I have to firmly believe anyone with a child would feel like I do if all their kids were going 90 to nothing and nothing seemed to slow down.
Off and on now for weeks.. Sugar and Wyatt have been trading getting sick. First sugar with croupy cough crap. She missed 3 days of school. Then wyatt… Then Sugar again with 103 fever. then yesterday I had wyatt in the drs office with 104.3 fever . He had a ear infection, sinus infection and respiratory infection.. Boy talk about sock it to ya! Then Sugar gets up for school this morning and complains of her ear.. I put ear drops in.. Kiss the fore head.. all better no fever off to school. School calls me at 8:30 (school lets in at 8). I had to go get her and carry her to the dr. She has a respiratory infection and ear infection. The other 2 have not been sick at all but the two that have been.. I don’t know how much longer I can go.. Its been non stop crying, 103 fever, crying, fever, crying, fever, crying, fever, crying, fever..
Going back to Saturday.. Sugar slept in my bed. She had a horrible fever and wouldn’t stop crying. About midnight I had had all I could take. I kicked her out of my bed and onto the couch. Then I had a dream that she had a seizure and died from the fever. I woke up screaming and crying and couldnt go back to sleep. It was a horrible dream and it was so real. The emotions were so real. Its too much.
So this is where i’ve been. Stuck in mommy hell.. That sounds bad but come on.. Who wants kids to be non stop crying and sick. Not only is it hell for mom but its hell for the kids. no one wants to see their kids suffer and no one wants to suffer because their kids are suffering. Its not fair. not on any level.
I had an appointment with the shrink last week. He changed my meds to abilify and ambien. I love ambien. I think everyone should have ambien. I’ve taken 2 doses of the abilify now. we’ll see what happens. Anyone have any experience with it?
Its that time a year. What time you ask? The time where I become a hunting widow. Its the start of the season where I very seldom see my husband or his friends. When I do see them its because they are 1. Hungry, 2. Need ice for something they killed or 3. need me to cook something they killed. Sounds like every woman’s dream right?
Hunting season brings me several things. On one hand I’m relieved to have my husband out of my hair and busy and not demanding stupid trivial things of me. On the other I’m angry, bitter, pissed off, because i’m once again completely on my own when it comes to the house, kids, bills, kids, house, kids, kids, kids.. You might see kids listed more than once and think that a bit odd.. But its really not. Its a full time job to which I need a break at times or I go insane and start shooting people. No not really. That was a silly thing to say. But with out a break i’m a walking time bomb waiting to go off. Dh doesnt give me much of a break but he often takes one of the kids with him where ever he goes. Mainly bug. But its a better break than none. With out it I’m stuck caring for 4 kids on my own 24/7 with out even time to go to the bathroom or take a bath. And sometimes 3 kids instead of 4 all day makes a huge difference. Well during hunting season there is no help. Not even an inkling so I can take a shower.
I saw it all coming a few weeks ago when Dh started complaining of not having a tractor to go mow his areas around his deer stands. The anticipation grew. Then the complaints of deer corn going up to 7$ a bag. Then the cost of hunting license going up. Then the need for new camo, shells, bags, scent be gone, hog traps needing repaired, guns needing to be sighted, cleaned, conditioned, etc. The list really does go on. The non stop days of clearing trees and cleaning around our camp. Dh hasnt been home in weeks. I mean of course he comes in to sleep but he doesnt even come in to eat.
This past week has been the worst. Every night he has come in at midnight. Not only is deer season coming but hog season as well. We must get ready for hog season.. Hog season is just as important as deer season. Our traps must be repaired and taken care of. They must function properly. BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA! For the last 4 days he has been running his traps morning and night. If there are hogs they must be moved from one catching trap to the holding pen. It can not wait. So he comes in late.
Because this is so important to him he becomes unreliable. I can not count on him for a damn thing at this point. Not one simple little promise or request. Not a one. This infuriates me to no end and makes me loathe hunting season. Dread it. At this moment.. I wish they’d cancel hunting season for the year.. Some people think oh its just a few months i’ll survive. Our season isnt just a few months. In January when deer season ends its full blown hog season. The rules about no dogs running on our club is lifted and its war on hogs. Then come march is fishing season.. This lasts till about July. Then we get a lil break from July till end of august when its time to get ready for September again! Its the same thing every year. But come end of august beginning of September its unbearable!
Right now i’m ready to blow a gasket! This past week Sugar got sick. She went from being fine to being extremely sick and gasping for air over night. She never gets sick. Scared the crap out of me. I took her to the dr Thursday morning. Dh said he was coming straight home after work. I needed to go to the store.Sugar has a respiratory virus and I damn sure was NOT taking her to the store with me. So he was going to come home and watch her so I could go get some things like DIAPERS and WIPES and a few things we needed. He calls me at 5pm and says He has to run to the hunting club to check his traps. I inform him that he is supposed to watch her and he says i’ll be there soon.. 9 pm he still is not home. 11pm still not home. 11:30 he comes waltzing in the door and says he was tied up with hogs.. Then his daddy comes banging on my door needing to talk about the hogs they caught. Can’t that wait till morning? He had JUST left his dads! Did I mention that not only does hunting season tend to have dh never at home but it also brings his dad to my door constantly at odd hours when he is home!
Anyhow.. I told dh because he didnt get home int ime that I had to go friday to the store. He had plans to mow his area in the club that morning but would be done by 2pm. at 3 i’m calling him to see where he is at. He says he is on his way out but he has to run to a town 45 min away to pick up another hog trap and when he gets back he’ll watch her. This was at 3 pm.. 5pm no dh. 6pm my MIL is calling me asking me if i’ve heard from dh and fil.. NOPE! 6:45 I call and finally reach dh. He is in the drive way working on said trap and is tied up cant watch her. By this time i’m beyond pissed off and gather up the kids and go to the store by this time I dont have a choice i’m down to 1 diaper and no wipes. I get home and he starts complaining about how hard of a day he had.. Bla bla bla.. Because by this time I really give a shit right?
Today we had Wyatts first bday party. Dh was supposed to go with me to my moms for it and that was it today he was supposed to rest and spend time with the family.. He took his truck to my moms so he could leave when he wanted. He came home and where is he now? With his dad in the fucking hunting club. I’m ready to pack his shit and dump it off at the gate to the club and tell him to have fun holding a tree at night. I truly hate hunting season. I hate being the only person responsible for this house and the kids and everything that goes with it during hunting season. I hate the lack of help around hte holidays and I hate how abandoned I feel by it. I hate that i’m truly alone in this during hunting season and I hate how angry i get and how angry I let myself get about it all. Sometimes I hope he shoots himself in the foot! Today is no different!
On a side note he just called (its 7:30pm) and told me he caught 6 more head of hog and has to move them and deal with them. He’ll be done about 11. If I didnt know how dangerous all this hog crap was.. I’d hope one would tusk him and put him out of commission but we’ve been that route.. It can be deadly.. I told you I have alot of anger built up inside!
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