Ivy Tied Up |

I’ve been a bit more “normal”. More like other people. Just more “normal”. According to dh. Apparently the abilify has made me more stable. More like other people. Less complicated.
Dh is happier. We get along better than we have in years. But for me. This is kinda scary.

I miss at times the mania. At times I miss not feeling anything too. Sometimes I miss the head spinning feelings. Before I could go void and not feel anything. Now i’m a bit emmotional. I don’t know if its the meds really I dont. But I wasnt like this before. I’ve got all these feelings I didnt have before. I havent had in a very very very very long time. This is a new experience for me and i’m not sure how I feel about it. A friend told me last night she was surprised to hear me say I missed the mania. Thats how it works though right? You live with something long enough its what you know. Right? This is new territory for me. In the last month things have changed. Its different. I’m different.

I think i’m bordering on depression sometimes now. Its not all the time. But I’m quick to tears. Only ever been like that before while I was pregnant and i’m certainly not pregnant now. Like I said its not all the time just sometimes. Its so hard to describe how I feel now. I’m so freaking confused sometimes. But the anger, resentment, hostility, quick temper, flying off the handle. Its not there anymore. Atleast not for now.

So if this is “more like normal people” (dh’s words) i’m not sure I like being like “normal people”