Ivy Tied Up |

Moving away from here really seems like the logical answer. I know its at the front of everyones mind.. Don’t think it hasnt crossed my mind. I’ve been trying for years to get away from here..

Moving isnt an option. We cant afford it. Our credit sucks. Dh refuses to rent. We pay nothing on the land becuase its family land. Its dh’s land. He wont leave. I can’t afford to make it on my own. I realize women do it every day. But raising 4 kids is not cheap. I’d have to work 3 jobs to make ends meet. Is it worth it? I dont think so. I didnt have these kids to never see them. And if i’m working 3 jobs to make ends meet who is raising them? not me. Who is there for them? not me. Who is going to make sure they make it through the hard times? It wont be me.. I cant do that.. I’m not strong enough. I haven’t worked in 9 years. My resume looks horrible. It goes back to when I was working in highschool. Thats almost 10 years ago! At the end of this year it will be 10 years! Jobs dont pay big money for someone who didnt go to college and hasnt worked in 10 years.. you start at the bottom of the pole.. making jack squat.. who survives on jack squat? highschool kids who’s moms pay their bills.. It wouldnt pay gas or daycare. I do plan to go to work after Sugar is in school full time. She only goes half a day right now. The plan was for me to go towork when they were all in school. But that changed when wyatt was born.. Daycare is not cheap. working to pay daycare doesnt work. Its not reasonable or logical..

Anyhow back to the inlaws because i’m rambling. The inlaws are obsessive about our lives. Its unreal. Its creepy. They keep track of who comes and goes and what goes on. its really weird. They are so bored its annoying. But moving away from here isnt going to happen.. Its one of those “if i’d known back then what i know now” deals.. Things would have been different. I’d have never settled here..