the moods….
Posted by ivy | Under Ivy Unleashed Sunday Dec 23, 2007I can’t tell you how long ago I stopped taking my meds. I don’t remember. I dont know why. I just kept forgetting. Now my moods are flip flopping around again and mania is looming and depression too. I’m up and I’m down and i ‘m all over the place.
I flipped out on dh yesterday. Called him a stupid son of a bitch. A term that has never graced my lips before. He keeps asking me whats wrong. Nothing is wrong. Just nothing is right. I just want to be left alone. I’m so irritable. So sad. So down. THEN I’m so excited about Christmas. Something I’ve never been before as an adult either. Normally I loathe Christmas. I hate it. Dread it. Everything about it. But at times I find myself almost giddy with excitement. Then.. I’m back to being down again. Sad even. Then I’m so bored. Can’t find anything to keep me occupied. Its driving me insane. I’m staying on top of the laundry and the dishes and things aren’t piling up yet. I’m just so bored but on top of it all I dont feel like moving out of this chair. I took a bath at midnight last night.. I was bored.
Im going back and forth pretty rapidly. One minute the kids are annoying the hell out of me the next I can’t be bothered the next its just grand because they are so excited Christmas is here. Right now I’m not ready to hate this yet. But the sadness that comes is really bad. I think I’ll go take my meds now.
I’m kind of the same way this year, the first year every. I LOATHE Christmas right now, and normally I’m emotional about it - happy, then sad.
It’s almost over - we’ve only got New Year’s, and then another year of holidays is over!
Woo-Hoo! : )
Hope your meds helped. Don’t have to tell you that we need that little bit of constant help.
Why is it every now and then we just think we can do it without it? I know I do the same thing…same result. Hope your Christmas was good. Michele
oh god I thought I only did that. Just recently I kept forgetting to take my anti depressant. For over a month. Weird thing is, I remembered, every night, like clock work to take my mood stabilizer. Well, I hit rock bottom this past weekend. My moods had been seriously going down hill, but I thought I was doing fine, until I decided not come out of my room the entire weekend. My mind wouldn’t focus on anything and all I could do was cry and sleep… until it was so bad sunday night that I cut myself. I am so ashamed to admit it. I haven’t done it in over 5 years. I can’t even bring myself to tell my husband, I just keep long sleeved shirts on. I am back on my med, that was a serious wake up call. But the above person was right, why at some point do we just “forget” or feel like we don’t need it. I hate how our minds can play tricks on us.
Hope your Christmas was great!
Hi, happily stumbled upon your page as am about to write a list of 101 things about me.
I too have bipolar disorder and actually am currently off my meds as ttc. Debating to write about that on my list- we shall see. Thanks for sharing your blog and hope the meds have helped your mood.