Ivy Tied Up |

I’m so over this!!!!!!!!!!! DH’s lawyer had the court date put off AGAIN! I was looking forward to having it over and done with. Even if it was costing us money I wanted it over with. THe closure. It finished. Over with. DONE! but nope I have to stay on pins and needles because they are putting it off again..

Now something else..
I didnt plan on being a troop leader for my daughters girl scout troop. I had actually signed on to be co leader but the leader was not involved ever. SHe never showed up and I was planning everything so she decided to step down and be co leader instead of leader.. I’ve been wearing the weight of this on my own.. Its easy but time consuming. In some odd way I think it helps keep me sane atleast for the time being.

The kids are doing well. Report cards come out on friday. Diva is not doing well so i’m sitting on the edge of my seat to see how she has done. Bug is doing really well . He seems to like school. Sugar is in love. at 5 years old completely smitten with this boy in her class and has been since day one. She tells me all the time that he is “the one”.. Yes she is 5!!!! She got completely upset last week because he wasnt there all week. She hated school and didnt want to go back. This week he is there and she tells me,”I cant take my eyes off him mom!” DH and I busted out laughing.. Wyatt is being wyatt.. Typical 17 month old boy. Cars and trucks get him going and he is acting out showing his bum every chance he gets.. Testing those boundaries every single day. So cute you cant help but laugh at him when he does something. Mental note.. Gotta stop that!

I dont know!!!!!!!!! I’m stressed to the max and if stress is a trigger I guess this could be the beginning stages of mania. Or is this what mania on meds can be like? I can’t sleep. I’m tired but cant sleep. My mind is going 90 to nothing again. I can’t stop thinking about stuff..

Did I tell you guys that my girls joined the girl scouts? Did I mention that i’m a troop leader? That i’m also heading the cookie sells for my troop as well? and did I mention that my co leader has basically quit on me? Well i’m dreaming about the girl scouts now. Far out there dreams..

I know this isnt full blown mania. No where close. Not even half way there.. so maybe this is the beginning? I’m irritable.. Big time irritable.. I can’t concentrate on anything. I’ve switched off making this post 4 times now to look at something else.. its taking me almost 45 minutes to complete this little bitty post.. imagine that!

The wait time for an appointment with the neurologist is 2 months. They can’t get dh in until Feb 29th.

An update on his court thing.. Since the last court date was put off thanks to the lawyer.. We got a summons in the mail yesterday. Dh goes to court Jan 31st which also happens to be my bday. Happy bday to me. I hope it goes well..

I’ve been driving dh to work and everywhere else now for a week. Its starting to get to me. I’m so tired and not sure I can keep going. Between dh’s stuff and my stuff its becoming overwhelming. I can’t stop yawning. I’m exhausted. Simply exhausted. Thats all I can write now. I must go lay down. I’m forgetting how to function..

Well as of today dh has been told he can no longer drive. he is being reported to the DMV by his doctor as well because he now has an official diagnosis of seizures. The dr said that he MAY be able to get his license back after 2 years of being seizure free.. He has also been started on seizure meds..

Me.. I’m ready to scream. What else do I need thrown upon me? Am I selfish because all i’m thinking about right now is me? I do enough. I take care of enough. The kids, the house.. and now I have to drive him around too??????????????I make 3 trips a day hauling kids.. Now I have to make 2 more hauling dh to work and back. I guess i’m lucky at this point he can still work.. Lets hope he is not let go because of this.

It sure is busy in mine…

In THIS POST I wrote about dh passing out at work and the dr saying he thought it was a seizure. Its been a rough few weeks. Dh has passed out twice since then. He’ll just be doing something and pass out. No warning. Just smooth out. Friday was one of those times.

He had gone to the hunting club to help his friend and they were standing there talking. His friend said suddenly he just passed out. His whole body just hit the ground. Well when dh passed out he hit his head on teh ground. Hard. Busted his head open. After that he couldnt stay awake. He kept passing out over and over again so off to the ER we went. After waiting HOURS to be triaged they finally triaged him and put him immediately in a trauma room. They ran a cat scan and did b lood work and determind everything was normal but said he had a seizure. Explained there is no way to prove it but by law they are obligated to tell the health department who is by law obligated to report it to the DMV. I could cry thinkinga bout this.
I dont know what we’ll do. This is the 3rd time he has passed out. I feel like whats next. Part of me is so angry with dh for this because I blame him. I blame his addiction to pain killers and xanax as the reason for this. And i have a right to feel this way. The dr has justified my feelings on this. In that his addiction could be the cause of this!!!!!!!! So whats next??????????

Tell me.. Whats been going on in your world???????/

So I’ve lost 20 lbs in a few months. I however busted my ass to lose the 20 lbs. It didn’t come off easily and I doubt it will stay off easily. Point is. I worked my ass off to lose that weight. I ate, exercised and exercised some more. Anyone who has been on meds for bipolar knows how easy it is to gain weight while on them. To lose while on them is hard! Anyhow my point..

Dh has noticed the weight loss.. He has been gaining weight. And while gaining loves to claim that he is just swollen. Sorry that line will only get you so far. You are not swollen you are gaining weight. Admit it already! It drives me bonkers that he will say,”none of my shirts fit anymore” then look at me and say,”I’m so swollen” . He is not swollen. He is gaining weight. So should I look at myself and say,” I’m just swollen”? NO! I’m over weight. I have weight to lose and I’m busting my ass to get rid of it. Its not going to fall off over night nor am I going to just become “un-swollen” like he seems to think he is going to wake up and not be swollen anymore. It infuriates me to no end to hear him DAILY say that he is just so swollen. Maybe it makes him feel better to say he is just swollen.. I dunno..you can’t disguise weight gain with claims of being swollen.. it doesnt work.

Anyhow.. about my weight loss.. Dh has been making comments about my weight loss.. About how this is different and that’s different on my body and how sex is now different.. He says he says these things to make me feel good but it doesnt. It makes me feel like crap. Maybe I’m backwards and should feel good about his comments but I dont. They make me feel worse. Because I still have weight to lose and question what he really thinks. So no matter what he says I’m not going to feel good about it because he said those things before I lost 20 lbs and now he is saying its different. How did he really feel before??????