Ivy Tied Up |

I can’t wait till monday. It just can’t come soon enough. Spring break has been hard on me. Sick kids all at the same time. Its just too much for any person to handle. And I can’t tolerate the non stop fighting. Part of me doesnt know how I got here. How did I have 4 kids? What on earth possessed me to have 4 kids? Granted none of them were planned. Now I feel guilty for feeling like that. I love my kids more than anything. I put their lives before mine. Easily. I’d do anything for them. But I still don’t know how I got here. I never wanted kids. At times I find it hard to tolerate the things they do and the way they act.. At times I want to run my head into the wall over and over and over again until I pass out from the pain.

I find joy in some of the things they do. Other times i’m aggravated by all the petty crap they do and pull. Like I’ve said a dozen times. I’m not the world’s best mom. I wouldn’t even make it into the top 10 or 100 for that matter. I dont get all giddy over every little thing they do. I’m pretty relaxed about a lot of things and overly strict about others. Sometimes I expect them to be kids others I expect them to be mini adults. I Right now that sounds absurd but its the truth. I dont think they know what I expect from them half the time. How bad am I screwing my kids up with that?

 Right now them being home all this week is really pushing my buttons. I can’t think from all the chaos and noise. DH doesnt understand because he isnt home with them all day. I think he secretly looks forward to monday’s too so he can go back to work and get out of this house. THe fighting is NON STOP between the kids. They are all as different as night and day and the older 3 are always at each others throats. Every day its a new fight over the same old thing. 2 of them gang up on the other one and someone is always left out. Wyatt is too young to be a part of this right now but soon enough he’ll be in there with them.

Even my “good child”(I believe every parent has a good child) has started showing her bum lately. Being in PreK has given her attitude like you wouldnt believe. She comes home with this attitude. She thinks she is hot stuff lately and doesnt have to mind me. She says things she picks up at school and thinks she is going to get away with. Diva and I are at each others throats. I can’t believe the attitude this child has at only 8 years old.

As much as I question how I got here I can’t imagine my life with out these kids. I can’t remember what it was like when they were not a part of it. They drive me completely insane yet if anything happened to them it would ruin my world. If we can just make it through these next few years..LOL.. I dont know how i’ll survive the summer time with them all home day after day, week after week..