Ivy Tied Up |

I went to the dr on Friday. It was that time again.. You know the every 3 months dr appt to see “how i’m doing”. I told him I was fine. Which he doesnt like to hear.. He always asks what that means. I told him things were going okay and that I had stopped taking my meds. I started to continue and he told me to stop and asked why I had stopped taking my meds. I told him I had just forgotten and then once I kept forgetting I forgot even more. I have no idea how long I went with out meds because I lose all sense of time while I”m off meds. I also gained back some of the weight I had lost. I’m more able to “work through stuff” and “focus on a goal” while on meds. Off meds i’m a unorganized mess. Anyhow the dr is convinced that I didn’t just forget to take my meds. He said that subconsciously I started to think I was okay and didnt need the meds so I stopped taking them. And when I realized I wasn’t okay or that things started going badly I realized I needed them and started taking them again. I really thought he was going to fuss at me for going “off meds” but he didnt. Not at all. What he said made sense and I think he is right because I questioned why I needed to go back to the dr because I thought I was doing so well. Hubby on the other hand informed me that I was not exactly doing well that my moods were all over the place. I know i’ve been more irritable lately but I blame it on the circumstances surrounding me lately. You know chaos follows me constantly. I was informed by the school last week that my daughter has failed the 3rd grade. I was devastated and there is way more to the story than i’m going to go into right now as i’m still really upset over this and having trouble coping with it. As her parent I feel like a failure.

My anxiety has been through the roof and the ativan the dr put me on was not working. So he has now switched me to xanax. I don’t like xanax but am willing to give it a try. My reasons for not liking it are based solely on dh’s addiction to them. I’ve hidden them. I dont think he’ll find them as they are not in this house. How sad is that?????

I had a nice mothers day despite the fact that a horrible storm rolled through in the wee early morning hours and the hail (it lasted 20 minutes) damaged my car pretty badly. We had lunch with my mother, sister and grandmother. The kids played outside for hours and are REALLY worn out.. It was a nice day. The weather was perfect (usually is after a horrible storm!)I hope you all had a wonderful Mothers day!