Ivy Tied Up |

I feel like i’m drowning.. I don’t know how else to describe it. I feel so overwhelmed and unstable lately. The main thing that did it was info that diva had failed the 3rd grade. I kinda spiraled and lost alot of ground becuase of the way it made me feel. It was the most horrible feeling. No parent wants to fail and I felt like a complete failure. Well after fighting the school these last 2 weeks they called me yesterday and let me knwo they were passing her. Ya hoo! I still feel unbalanced. I feel better that they are passing her but still unbalanced..

I feel alone lately. I got mad yesterday adn started slamming cabinets because I was trying to tell Dh something and he cut me off and asked if his food was hot yet. It ticked me off big time. He couldnt stop and listen to me for 2 minutes tell him what I needed to tell him. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if he didnt do that ALL THE TIME! I feel so by myself here. No one to talk to. No one listens. I love my kids but talking to kids all day every day and that being your only communication .. it gets old.. I need him to freaking listen to me and let me know he gives a shit what I have to say or whats going on with me.. I need him to care!

I’m sure when I get mad and start slamming things around that its just a ” mood swing” to him.. But you know his moods are worse than mine I think. He throws fits like a 2 year old and believes they are “justified”.

The kids are doing well. School lets out next week for the summer and i’m scared tod eath of having all 4 home all day every day. That makes me feel bad to say that.. But they fight NON STOP.. I”m going ot have to find something active for them to do.. I wish I could afford to send them to a camp so they could have something productive to do during the summer but with gas being as high as it is.. not happening..

Dh is putting me on his insurance at work. Its goign to cost us a small fortune every week but I need it becuase i’ve got some health things going on that I need to deal with. bla.. female stuff.. The endometriosis is acting up and I desperately need to be seen for it.. the pain is starting to build back up.

I think thats it for now..