I feel like i’m drowning.. I don’t know how else to describe it. I feel so overwhelmed and unstable lately. The main thing that did it was info that diva had failed the 3rd grade. I kinda spiraled and lost alot of ground becuase of the way it made me feel. It was the most horrible feeling. No parent wants to fail and I felt like a complete failure. Well after fighting the school these last 2 weeks they called me yesterday and let me knwo they were passing her. Ya hoo! I still feel unbalanced. I feel better that they are passing her but still unbalanced..
I feel alone lately. I got mad yesterday adn started slamming cabinets because I was trying to tell Dh something and he cut me off and asked if his food was hot yet. It ticked me off big time. He couldnt stop and listen to me for 2 minutes tell him what I needed to tell him. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if he didnt do that ALL THE TIME! I feel so by myself here. No one to talk to. No one listens. I love my kids but talking to kids all day every day and that being your only communication .. it gets old.. I need him to freaking listen to me and let me know he gives a shit what I have to say or whats going on with me.. I need him to care!
I’m sure when I get mad and start slamming things around that its just a ” mood swing” to him.. But you know his moods are worse than mine I think. He throws fits like a 2 year old and believes they are “justified”.
The kids are doing well. School lets out next week for the summer and i’m scared tod eath of having all 4 home all day every day. That makes me feel bad to say that.. But they fight NON STOP.. I”m going ot have to find something active for them to do.. I wish I could afford to send them to a camp so they could have something productive to do during the summer but with gas being as high as it is.. not happening..
Dh is putting me on his insurance at work. Its goign to cost us a small fortune every week but I need it becuase i’ve got some health things going on that I need to deal with. bla.. female stuff.. The endometriosis is acting up and I desperately need to be seen for it.. the pain is starting to build back up.
I think thats it for now..
I don’t think i’ll ever get better. The sinus infection I had let up and I thought I was better.. Friday evening the ear ache hit. The worst pain ever. I cried myself to sleep.. I’ve been using antibiotic ear drops in it but its not going to fight the cause of the infection (Sinuses) so I’m going to need to go to the dr and soon!
Dh and I have been fighting. Non stop. I’m so over it! He doesnt get it. At all. He can’t seem to understand where i’m coming from. i get where he is coming from. Its his thinking that he works and I dont. Its his money so he thinks that he should be able to spend it however he likes. He just doesnt listen and understand that he made a commetment when he decided to ge tmarried. He wasn’t forced into this relationship nor was he forced to become part of this family. But now he is in it and he has responsibilities and the bills and these kids come FIRST! I NEVER put myself first.. EVER. And i’ve missed out on a lot of things. I do with out most of the time so that the kids and the bills are taken care of. WHY isnt it the same for him? Why? Oh wait thats easy! because its HIS MONEY! asshole!
The kids are doing well.. Diva passed the TAKS(I think thats it) test that she needed to pass to move to the 4th grade.. i still can’t believe that next year i’ll have a 4th grader!
I guess thats it for now..
He stole my freaking meds! It pisses me off to no end! He stole my anxiety meds. I believe his addiction to anxiety meds (xanax) and pain pills is the reason he is having his “seizures/episodes”. I can’t believe he did it again! He has done it in the past. He stole my pain meds after having the kids. Now he is taking my anxiety meds with out telling me. I know because I counted them! I had 50. There were 18 missing. I had taken 5 and thats it! HE STOLE MY MEDS! I asked him! He said he took 3 yesterday.. 3 my ass! He took more than that! He might have taken 3 yesterday but he took more the day before! Whats so ironic about this shit is that i’m on the pills because I cant handle his addiction and seizures and all the crap thats going on with it. And he is taking my meds i’m taking to try to cope with him and his shit. I dont even know what to do or say i’m just so furious! I will be telling the neurologist about his addiction. Maybe they’ll listen since his family dr ignored me!
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