Ivy Tied Up |

So I decided I’d try the Veet razorless razor system.. I applied it and waited the time it stated then “shaved off” my hair with the razorless razor.. The process wasn’t bad. It wasn’t hard. It was time consuming though. And the veet does stink. Even the scented ones stink. It wasn’t as bad as what I remember Nair being though. (its been 10+ years since i’ve used nair) Afterwards my legs were nice and smooth. I didnt break out or have any chemical burns like i’d read about in reviews from others but my legs did itch some. They were dry so I had to keep reapplying lotion over and over again. In about 2 days my legs had stubble again only it wasnt the hard coarse stubble you get from shaving it was much softer and didnt irritate me that much. When it came time to shave again I was REALLY let down. The can didnt even have enough left in it to do half of one leg! So for almost 7$ I got smooth legs 1 time!!! I was really aggravated. Needless to say if you don’t mind paying 7$ for a shave its not bad.. If you do or have sensitive skin stick with a razor.. Another thing the goop does leave your hands feeling rather odd after using it.. Even after washing them.. This is one product I wont be buying again.. Waste of money in my opinion..

So maybe i’m a lil manic.. Who knows.. I’m not sure I care anymore. However mania does stupid things.. Mania buys a 250$ camera and a 250$ nintendo wii and then 2 days later thinks WTF did I do? Mania wakes up at 2am well rested and doesnt want to sleep anymore. Mania is irritable and pissed of easily. Mania snaps into defense mode when questioned about anything. Mania can’t handle noise or groups(read family functions) nor can I find my meds.

 How did I lose them? I DONT KNOW!!! They aren’t where I put them.. I’ve been looking everywhere.. I had to have misplaced them.. They were on the counter and now they are not.. Maybe I put them in my purse.. I’ll have to look. Anyhow.. i’m bored out of my mind these last 2 days. Nothing can keep me occupied.. Even the wii bores me.

I have a big family function today. We are having a bbq for memorial day but couldnt have it tomorrow because my kids have school and my sister is packing for her family to go to disney world. The make a wish foundation granted my nephew’s wish. His wish was to meet the power rangers and go to the Mickey mouse club house so they are sending them to disney world on an all expense paid vacation. I am so excited for them. They really deserve this. After all they’ve been through in the last year. This lil boy deserves this so much. I tear up just thinking about it.

I feel like i’m drowning.. I don’t know how else to describe it. I feel so overwhelmed and unstable lately. The main thing that did it was info that diva had failed the 3rd grade. I kinda spiraled and lost alot of ground becuase of the way it made me feel. It was the most horrible feeling. No parent wants to fail and I felt like a complete failure. Well after fighting the school these last 2 weeks they called me yesterday and let me knwo they were passing her. Ya hoo! I still feel unbalanced. I feel better that they are passing her but still unbalanced..

I feel alone lately. I got mad yesterday adn started slamming cabinets because I was trying to tell Dh something and he cut me off and asked if his food was hot yet. It ticked me off big time. He couldnt stop and listen to me for 2 minutes tell him what I needed to tell him. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if he didnt do that ALL THE TIME! I feel so by myself here. No one to talk to. No one listens. I love my kids but talking to kids all day every day and that being your only communication .. it gets old.. I need him to freaking listen to me and let me know he gives a shit what I have to say or whats going on with me.. I need him to care!

I’m sure when I get mad and start slamming things around that its just a ” mood swing” to him.. But you know his moods are worse than mine I think. He throws fits like a 2 year old and believes they are “justified”.

The kids are doing well. School lets out next week for the summer and i’m scared tod eath of having all 4 home all day every day. That makes me feel bad to say that.. But they fight NON STOP.. I”m going ot have to find something active for them to do.. I wish I could afford to send them to a camp so they could have something productive to do during the summer but with gas being as high as it is.. not happening..

Dh is putting me on his insurance at work. Its goign to cost us a small fortune every week but I need it becuase i’ve got some health things going on that I need to deal with. bla.. female stuff.. The endometriosis is acting up and I desperately need to be seen for it.. the pain is starting to build back up.

I think thats it for now..

I went to the dr on Friday. It was that time again.. You know the every 3 months dr appt to see “how i’m doing”. I told him I was fine. Which he doesnt like to hear.. He always asks what that means. I told him things were going okay and that I had stopped taking my meds. I started to continue and he told me to stop and asked why I had stopped taking my meds. I told him I had just forgotten and then once I kept forgetting I forgot even more. I have no idea how long I went with out meds because I lose all sense of time while I”m off meds. I also gained back some of the weight I had lost. I’m more able to “work through stuff” and “focus on a goal” while on meds. Off meds i’m a unorganized mess. Anyhow the dr is convinced that I didn’t just forget to take my meds. He said that subconsciously I started to think I was okay and didnt need the meds so I stopped taking them. And when I realized I wasn’t okay or that things started going badly I realized I needed them and started taking them again. I really thought he was going to fuss at me for going “off meds” but he didnt. Not at all. What he said made sense and I think he is right because I questioned why I needed to go back to the dr because I thought I was doing so well. Hubby on the other hand informed me that I was not exactly doing well that my moods were all over the place. I know i’ve been more irritable lately but I blame it on the circumstances surrounding me lately. You know chaos follows me constantly. I was informed by the school last week that my daughter has failed the 3rd grade. I was devastated and there is way more to the story than i’m going to go into right now as i’m still really upset over this and having trouble coping with it. As her parent I feel like a failure.

My anxiety has been through the roof and the ativan the dr put me on was not working. So he has now switched me to xanax. I don’t like xanax but am willing to give it a try. My reasons for not liking it are based solely on dh’s addiction to them. I’ve hidden them. I dont think he’ll find them as they are not in this house. How sad is that?????

I had a nice mothers day despite the fact that a horrible storm rolled through in the wee early morning hours and the hail (it lasted 20 minutes) damaged my car pretty badly. We had lunch with my mother, sister and grandmother. The kids played outside for hours and are REALLY worn out.. It was a nice day. The weather was perfect (usually is after a horrible storm!)I hope you all had a wonderful Mothers day!

I read a blog post the other day where a lady was asking about grandparents vs. babysitters.. Apparently the lady had “over used” her mother as a babysitter and her mom was feeling less like a grandma and more like the full time babysitter.. The issue of grandparents has been on my mind alot lately. Mainly because my parents are not what I think of when I think of grandparents.

I had the worlds best grandparents. They rocked! We were always at my grandparents house. We went on vacations with them and spent many many weekends there. My grandmother always read us stories and we put on plays for them, sang to them, fixed their hair, cooked with them. They were/are what I think of when I think of grandparents and how they should be. My parents are VERY different from that.

I dont know if its their age. They are edging towards the end of their 40s but still I’m not sure I believe age should matter. They rarely spend time with the kids. My oldest is almost 9 and I can count on my fingers how many times my parents have kept my kids or had them over to stay. They have never invited the kids to come stay with them. EVER. My kids have had to beg them to stay and 99.9% of the time the answer has been no. They have kept the kids when they were “forced”. By forced I mean I was in the hospital having one of the kids and there was no other alternative.

I really feel like my kids have missed out on something big when it comes to grandparents. Maybe I have high expectations.. My husbands parents aren’t worth a shit when it comes to the kids and then my parents refuse to give up their free time. I feel like my kids have gotten the short end of the stick. My dad told me one time that they had raised their kids and now its their time. I get that totally. I’ve never asked them to “raise” my kids. Matter of fact I rarely ask my parents to watch the kids. And 9 out of the 10 times i’ve asked they’ve said no. I just feel like my kids are missing out greatly on what SHOULD be a very special relationship with their grandparents.

My parents feel they are still young and deserve their time.. They are still young and they do deserve their time. But these kids are not going to still be little when they are “older” and are ready to give their time. These kids are going to be grown when my parents are ready to give their time and I think they might be resentful of the little time they were given. Maybe I have it all wrong and i’m selfish or something like that.. I just expect grandparents to be grandparents, or expect them to be like my grandparents were.

And another thing that really makes me say HUH is my parents feel like when they are asked to watch my kids that we are asking them to “raise them” or we are throwing a burden on them.. If thats the case.. WTH were they doing to my grandparents when they hauled us over there every weekend?

After a round of antibiotics and LOTS of rest I’m feeling better.. Did I mention LOTS of rest. For about 2 weeks I did nothing but lay around and sleep every chance I got.. I am finally feeling better.. Lots better. I haven’t gone back in yet and had my blood pressure rechecked but plan to do that soon.

With summer coming i’ve got so much to do. I need to get this house cleaned up really well while the kids are still in school. Doing a real deep cleaning is impossible with them all home. The end of school also brings the beginning of hurricane season.

I dread hurricane season. Most people look forward to summer and their vacations.. Me.. I dread it. I dread hurricane season. I’ve got to start stocking up on food and supplies to get us through incase of another hurricane. We always say we are going to get everything we need ahead of time then NEVER do it.. Then we end up in a bind like last time!

I’m sure by now everyone has heard the latest on Miley Cyrus and her vanity fair photos.. I’m not one to jump on the celebrity bashing bandwagon and get all up in their business.. But my girls LOVE Miley Cyrus. I’d rather them like her than Britney Spears. Anyhow.. These photos.. I wouldn’t want my girls to see.. They aren’t that bad but they portray her in a light I don’t want my girls to see her in. What gets me is Miley issued a statement saying the photo spread embarrassed her.. WTH? Please! They didnt embarrass her before hand.. Not until people were upset over them. At first she called it art. She should have been embarrassed when she was in the middle of the shoot not afterwards when the photos are published. If she was older and targeted a different audience than she does I wouldn’t say anything but since she has a following of 8/9 year old girls who worship her, I do have a problem with it. Most of the photos were fine.. There was just a few that were a little too provocative for my tastes when it comes to a teenage star.. If you haven’t seen them yet.. Just google Miley Cyrus Vanity fair photos..

I went to the dr on Tuesday.. I’ve got a sinus infection and my blood pressure was high.. It was 158/110. That might be another reason i’ve been feeling so lousy.. My ears are killing me but the dr says that both ears are clear not even a little redness.. says the pain is from the sinus pressure. He put me on Bactrim antibiotic and said I should start feeling better in a few days. He said nothing about my blood pressure so I’m going to go back in next week and have it rechecked and if its still that high see the dr about it. Thats ridiculous!

I don’t think i’ll ever get better. The sinus infection I had let up and I thought I was better.. Friday evening the ear ache hit. The worst pain ever. I cried myself to sleep.. I’ve been using antibiotic ear drops in it but its not going to fight the cause of the infection (Sinuses) so I’m going to need to go to the dr and soon!

Dh and I have been fighting. Non stop. I’m so over it! He doesnt get it. At all. He can’t seem to understand where i’m coming from. i get where he is coming from. Its his thinking that he works and I dont. Its his money so he thinks that he should be able to spend it however he likes. He just doesnt listen and understand that he made a commetment when he decided to ge tmarried. He wasn’t forced into this relationship nor was he forced to become part of this family. But now he is in it and he has responsibilities and the bills and these kids come FIRST! I NEVER put myself first.. EVER. And i’ve missed out on a lot of things. I do with out most of the time so that the kids and the bills are taken care of. WHY isnt it the same for him? Why? Oh wait thats easy! because its HIS MONEY! asshole!

The kids are doing well.. Diva passed the TAKS(I think thats it) test that she needed to pass to move to the 4th grade.. i still can’t believe that next year i’ll have a 4th grader!

I guess thats it for now..

It never fails. Every year I get sick at this time. This year it has hit full force. Its been a week now.. Every bit of it is sinuses. I’ve had my voice fade in and out. I’ve been unable to breathe.. I’ve had chills off and on. Sneezing non stop and watery eyes that run non stop. I’ve felt like complete crap for what feels like forever now. The kids are wearing me out very easily. My asthma is making talking for long difficult. All i’ve done is lay around for a week. I’m feeling a bit better today but still really tired and worn out.. My head is still congested and the meds are all crap. Here is to feeling better soon!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. The weather here was wonderful. It was sunny and cool out. Very spring like. The kids loved it. We spent the day at my parents house where we had a big Easter dinner. The kids hunted eggs and even hid them for the adults to hunt.. Wyatt was crabby. Very unlike himself. Everyone calls him smiley because he is always smiling and happy. No one has ever seen him in a bad mood or with a frown. Yesterday he walked around all day fussing and crying. He has been sick since earlier last week and still isnt feeling much better. If he is still not better tomorrow i’m calling the dr and taking him back in. Over all though the day was nice.

DH came home from work today with his eyes burnt. He is a welder. His eyes are FRIED. This is the 2nd time he had burned them bad in the last few months. He will have to miss work tomorrow because he can’t work with his eyes like this. They are just pouring tears and he is in a lot of pain.

I enjoyed today. The kids were back at school and it was quiet in the house. No chaos and screaming and fighting. I was able to lay down and take a nap. Which I desperately needed. I haven’t been sleeping because dh has been fighting and screaming in his sleep and keeping me up at night for the last few weeks. I’m running on empty. Last night he was having a nightmare and woke me up by grabbing my hair and yelling at “me”.. When he finally woke up he had no idea where he was or who he was talking to. I hate it when he is like that. It drives me nuts. He has some really warped dreams. I’m starting to think sleeping next to him is dangerous. I’ve got to get some sleep soon though. Today I slept most of the day because I was so exhausted.

I am feeling better though. A bit more creative and alive. I’m glad to be feeling that way again. Its been a long while.